


Engraved in Your Heart

by UNCONQU3R3D



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Action, Anal Sex, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Blind Character, Blind Kyungsoo, Bullying, Emotional Sex, Gang Violence, Gangster Baekhyun, Kpop Groups as Street Gangs, M/M, Oral Sex, Overprotective Baekhyun, POV First Person, mafia!au, street wars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-15 00:35:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11794752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UNCONQU3R3D/pseuds/UNCONQU3R3D
Summary: Highschool!AU where Baekhyun, high school bad boy and leader of a street gang, falls in love with a social outcast, the blind kid, Kyungsoo.





	1. BAEKHYUN

**Author's Note:**

> After I finishing my other stories, I was planning to start posting this on ao3 - but in honor of this baeksoo yuanfen fest, I decided to write it a little early. I really hope everyone likes this.

 

 **I** was a man of principles and it had nothing and everything to do with my station in the society. My father is the sole runner of mafia in Seoul, and my own standing within the street gangs was that of a respectable ally or enemy, considering where everyone else stood. If you were to ask the street gangs about who owned the joint, they'd tell you _Byun_ and it wouldn't matter if it was me or my father. Either could be used as a collective noun and it wouldn't be untrue that we were the ones in charge. If you were to ask the lack of color and variety in the streets, you'd be told that it was because of the _Byuns_ who were the only color or gang to be; almost nobody existed to refute us. Anymore.

   With a standing such as this, it wasn't a surprise that I was a man of principles and never broke the said principles for anyone, in life or in business. My standing just helped with the fact that I never had to break these principles - I was talented enough at breaking bones that it almost never came down to it.

   But when I waltzed in the school, shadowed by my cronies, for our second year as seniors I was faced with an odd sort of dilemma: a situation that warranted I follow my principles but I couldn't do so without breaking a bone. The cause of this situation was, surprisingly, a new junior amongst a hoard of them.

   My associates could've picked any John, or Shelley, or Madonna amongst the scared new batch of juniors to harass and force them through the tradition of ascension by humiliation but no, they chose him. _The blind kid._

   I was so shocked at the uncomfortable situation of ignoring my principles that I was, for once, an onlooker.

   Jongdae, my third, was currently trying to mush the kid's fingers against the floor using the heel of his shoes. Chanyeol, my second in command, was standing a few feet behind the spectacle, keeping watch in case the Chairperson passed by. Minseok, my bodyguard - under cover as a student - looked like he was glad for the distraction but I knew he was only going through the withdrawals; Minseok got antsy when he hadn't killed someone in a while. That left Jongin, my partial cousin, verified gang member and class fellow, who was perhaps the only one looking vaguely sick.

   I shared the sentiment.

   I kept my eyes away - one of my principles was that if I didn't look at what was happening, I wasn't the one to blame. But again, as mentioned before, this was a difficult day for my principles. Our victim, the blind kid, was undeniably handsome and absolutely vulnerable - just how I liked them. I had no need for anyone really, boys or girls, considering what suited my mood, got down on their knees and took my cock without protest when asked. But I was at once overcome with my helpless principles keeping me outside of the scene and impressed with the silent yet painful way the kid seemed to be taking Jongdae's assault.

   The kid in question wore a white button down and black, loose-fitting jeans. His books were slightly spilling out of his beg, and his white cane was lying forgotten a few feet from me. He was blind, clearly, eyes glassed over with a faint pearly sheen, pupils unresponsive, but he didn't wear dark glasses. It added to his physical appeal somehow; black, silken hair falling to his eyes, beautiful pale skin and those _damn_ lips. I at once hated them and wanted them.

   Jongdae slapped the kid upside the head. "Answer me, freak? Did they run out of space in the special schools?"

   I saw the kid's lips moving inaudibly over Jongdae's booming inquiry. He was clearly in pain and I was overcome again that I should break something and enforce my principle of never bullying the weak. But my friends were having fun, and that was enough for me; I kept silent.

   "What was that?" Jongdae asked, mocking. "Don't tell me, are you mute, too?"

   Chanyeol laughed incredibly. "That is just sad!"

   Minseok twitched his fingers in a warning; he obviously wanted to strangle the boy. Jongin on the other hand, said, "We should get going guys. We don't want his friends to squeal to the Chair."

   "Friends?" Jongdae spat, the spit landed close to where the boy was bracing himself on the floor with his hands. "You really think this thing has friends? Not likely."

   And that's when Chanyeol straightened. His deep voice was like a bullet fire. "The Chairman just parked out front. We need to leave."

   I should not have felt the sudden surge of relief, but I did. I'd coach Jongdae later about only bullying the ones who deserved it, but now it was the time to leave. 

   I stayed back a few paces, though, and watched as my buddies disappeared around the hallway. I stopped, bent down to pick up the walking stick and held it out for the blind kid to take. Then I felt stupid because, of course, he couldn't see me holding it out. Gingerly I grabbed the boy's hand and placed the white folded stick there. 

   I froze.

   I _knew_ this kid was blind, that he couldn't see me. And still, there was something powerful in those unseeing eyes as they rested on the general direction of my face; like he could see deep inside my soul. I felt that unblinking gaze right down to my bones.

   Softly, the boy's hand closed around the stick. And he whispered in a supple cadence, "Thank you."

   I stood up and looked around. There had been a few witnesses to my atypical kindness but they were all too cowardly to do anything about it. And my heart was like a caged rabbit, frantic and desperate. I spared one glance at the kid, and turned away.

   Later I cornered Jongdae and told him, "We don't bully the weak. Remember, we aren't that sort of lowlifes. We have traditions, values. Don't disappoint me again."

   Because I was the boss and because Jongdae wasn't stupid to go against me, he agreed.

   I was looking away then, staring intensely. "Look at that? Now that's potential new meat, wouldn't you say?"

   As my father before me, I was going to keep up the tradition of enlistment. Everyone knew Seoul was run by the gangs, and if you lived in Seoul, you had to be a part of these gangs. If not, your children got shot at gunpoint, nothing more than collateral damage to the turf wars; your sisters got raped and kidnapped, not necessarily in that order; your mothers became widows. Being a part of a gang meant insurmountable protection and security. My father was Mafia lord, the mayor and the PM were his clients, and thus my gang was the top most of the chain, EXO. There were other gangs too; BTS, Seventeen and Got7 who controlled the smaller turfs around or outside Seoul, but Byuns were the kings here. 

   Enlistment of the new meat was a tradition that helped in not just enlarging our turf and manpower, but also strengthened my father's hold over this territory. 

   Jongdae's eyes followed mine, to a group of new meats who looked like devil-may-care and glared down their noses. Now these, I knew, were the sort that needed to be put through traditional humiliation and then offered to join EXO. 

   No blind kid had a place in this world.

   By the end of the first school day, I was satisfied with our position. We had managed to recruit two new bodies, Sehun and Joonmyun, and I didn't run into that blind kid again. All in all, it was a productive day, worth every second wasted in calculus.

 

 **My** luck ran out in three days precisely. There were two more newbies, already sworn to Seventeen. I hated that I lost these two; they looked formidable and would have been an awesome addition to EXO.

   What's more, I ran into the blind kid twice. And both encounters left me bothered, not because I still felt guilt over what happened earlier, and that the kid had his broken fingers in a dressing. No, I was bothered by my own reaction to the kid. It didn't matter how good looking the kid was, I just couldn't obtain him, it just wasn't done. In spite of everything, as I first ran into him at the morning of the third day, I couldn't look away as the blind kid tried to open his locker using his non-dominant hand with utmost difficulty. 

   And then a friend ran up to him, smiling widely. "Kyungsoo! Here, let me help you."

   I realized exactly three seconds too late that I was glaring at this friend. My second realization was: _Kyungsoo._ The blind one was Kyungsoo.

   I knew of the friend somewhat, a lanky exchange program kid called Yixing. He was not of this country and thus had escaped the enlistment from the gangs. Still, something about the way Kyungsoo smiled softly at his arrival and readily leaned into his side set my teeth on edge.

   Of course, Jongin and Jongdae showed up then, and I managed to escape him.

   The second time I wasn't that lucky. It was my first class of Applied Psychology, and shocker, the blind kid was in this class too, a familiar face in junior-senior shared course.

   I sat in the last chair of the back row, my usual seat option for every class. I usually had one of my members with me but this time nobody had taken up App. Psy. as their optional course. So I was alone, sitting three seats apart from the blind kid. My place afforded me the unobstructed view of the blind kid - Kyungsoo, I reminded myself - as the rest of the classmates showered him with extra attention and care. It took me a few moments to realize that Kyungsoo was aggravated by everyone's pity-fueled advances. With Yixing, he looked relaxed because they were friends, but here, with a class full of strangers trying to be nice to him, he looked like he couldn't wait to disappear.

    _Interesting._

   I leaned back in my chair and devoted the rest of the class to just observing Kyungsoo. He was certainly more interesting than the introductory lesson. It was apparent that Kyungsoo wasn't just any blind kid, but he was a kid who was able concentrate on the lecture without even requiring tactile Braille books. I observed upon further reflection that he was really very self aware. He sat with straight back and wrote on his notebook diligently. He was definitely blind but from time to time he tilted his head in a way that suggested he was listening to someone or paying attention to something that wasn't necessarily in front of him. Twice, his head tilted towards me, like he felt me observing.

   By the end of the class, my blood was running high, speeding through my veins with a single decisive desire to know more about a blind kid who had nothing to do with me at all. 

   Soon, it became my secret, my guilty pleasure. A habit. I didn't give much thought to Kyungsoo when I walked with my gang, I didn't even slow my progress as EXO's leader. Within the next few months, I was in three street wars, one turf skirmish and fifteen minor incidents in the high school. At the end of the third month of my first semester, we had recruited three more members into EXO - Yifan, Luhan and Zitao.

   And my desire for one blind kid, Kyungsoo, became unquenchable, _deeper_ every day. Thanks to my warning earlier, Jongdae hadn't tried to bully Kyungsoo even though he was a tempting target. Still, there were others who hated Kyungsoo for being blind and brilliant. I wasn't even surprised when he aced the App. Psychology midterm exam. Unfortunately, the other class fellows were certain that Kyungsoo was given due _'consideration'_ just because he was a blind kid in the world of normals.

   One day, during such a conversation amongst their classmates, I was observing Kyungsoo. He sat silently, as always, and nothing about his expression betrayed that he could hear the stage-whispered accusations of his classmates. Nothing, except his fist clutching the edge of his desk and his white knuckles. Something simmered inside me, something similar to my desire of observing everything that Kyungsoo did. It was dark and unexpected, and the words were out of my mouth before I even considered them. 

   "It's a shame really that he's as good. If any of you bastards were blind you wouldn't even be able to drag your asses out for a potty break by yourselves."

   Everyone froze, stared. I wasn't amazed to see fear in each of their faces.

   As a popular kid, as the heir to the mafia, I usually had that affect on everyone. I didn't communicate with others unless they were directly under my -   _EXO's_ \- control, and in this class particularly I only ever spoke if the teacher called me up on it. That I had spoken up at such a random thing, about an evidently outcast boy, was not trifling. I glared right back, silently daring them to say anything, do anything. They looked away one by one, fearful and scared to be under my radar all of a sudden.

   I smirked smugly, in exchange for not following my principles, defending the blind kid for a little matter like this felt satisfactory. But then I felt Kyungsoo watching me, in his own, blind-eyed staring way. I felt a shiver down my spine, as I did every time I saw those slightly pearly eyes, but now that they were directed my way, I felt like an ant under the microscope.

   Kyungsoo was easy to read, strangely. I could see confusion and curiosity, as furious as my own, sparkle in those blind depths. It was obvious that Kyungsoo hadn't expected anybody to defend him. It was also clear that he was in some way making connections based upon his other senses as everyone around them went back to muttering to themselves, occasionally throwing in, Baekhyun, mafia and gang, as helping words. I saw clearly as Kyungsoo made those words into a semblance of truth, and his pearly eyes hardened. 

   I bit my lips and looked away. That was right. I was someone to be feared. It was definitely expected of the blind one to do as everyone else did once they recognized the name Baekhyun. _Be terrified._  

   The class started and ended, but I was suddenly feeling a new emotion. I didn't know what it was called, but it had something to do with a prickly sensation in my heart as I remembered that hardened look in Kyungsoo's eyes, that hate and fear.

 

 **Jongin** caught me at it first, being the quiet and observant one himself. 

   I was scrutinizing, Kyungsoo, who was laughing with his usual friend Yixing and some other people, in the cafeteria. I observed the way the girl sitting next to Kyungsoo leaned against him, and draped her hand on his leg whenever something funny was said.

   "You'll bore a hole through him if you look any harder," Jongin murmured, soft enough for me to hear alone. 

   I was not easily shocked but I nearly started. Looking around at my own gang members, I relaxed when nobody else noticed. Turning to Jongin, I glared. "Not another word."

   Jongin sighed but nodded his head. Even if he was my partial cousin, he still couldn't dare go against the boss's order.

   As for the girl trying to cling to Kyungsoo, well... I looked at Jongdae. "What about we get you a girlfriend, Jongdae? I've heard that Song chick is hot these days."

   Jongdae, who was trying to reenact Dracula with French Fries fangs and everything, stopped. His glance flickered towards Minseok vaguely, before he said, "Ah, no boss man. She isn't my type."

   I gulped down my mango smoothie. "Well, does anyone else want her?" Apparently no one did.

   Sighing, I stood up and left the table. Approaching the blind kid's table I spoke with my gestures alone. I didn't have to use the gesture for silence, which was granted me without any trouble the minute I stopped by. Then I turned my gaze to the Song girl and tilted my head to a side, telling her to follow.

   Once we were out of sight of the general population, I turned to her with a cold expression. "Listen, girl. If I ever see you touching the blind kid... No, if I ever see you within five feet of him, I'll crush your legs. Do you understand?"

   Eyes wide in fear, she nodded.

   "Good girl. Oh, and I don't have to tell you to keep your pie-hole shut about it, do I?"

   Visibly trembling now, she shook her head.

   "Excellent. Now run."

   She did, and to my satisfaction, she ran to the restroom instead of back to Kyungsoo. Smiling at my success, I went back to my table, glared when my friends tried to question me, and finished my lasagna. 

 

 **My** desire for a certain blind person was becoming a dangerous thing. Kyungsoo was making regular appearances in my dreams these days, and no amount of fucking random dudes was enough to get the itch for Kyungsoo out of my system. It was a craving that was going to be my death if I wasn't careful.

   It happened during one of the busts. 

   Minseok had given me a report about some of the BTS members encroaching upon our turf; there was also a mention that they had a hidden location. I sent scouts first, and it was revealed that the hidden quarters were not so hidden, and they were gaining members fast, also turning some of my own into traitors. Such lotacracy happening inside my own ranks aggravated me.

   We attacked under the cover of night. It wasn't a difficult bust per se, but it wasn't the kind where I could afford any distractions. Kyungsoo existed inside my head as a constant distraction these days. One minute I was going to punch in the branch head's face in, the next my mind went to the beautiful way Kyungsoo's mouth curved into a smile and how his unseeing eyes glistened even more. There was a kick to my gut, and I fell face down. Another punk joined in and started kicking my face in. I screamed, furious at myself and my gang members who were taking so damn long to bust this ridiculous area. 

   Chanyeol charged in, yelling as he produced a dagger. My eye was swollen shut, I could see as Chanyeol discarded the two punks attacking me.

   Luhan arrived next, and then Jongdae. Amongst the three of them, I managed to stand on my own two feet and get my head back in the game. The bust took the entire night, but we walked away with little casualties on our side.

   I didn't go to school for the next week. While the teachers keep quiet about my real identity thanks to my father's prudence, there was no way I could walk around the school with a bruised face a night after three people died in the neighborhood. My father would take care of the matters in the background, while the police would pretend to investigate in the high school. Keeping a low profile was the best option for now.

   But my itch to go looking for Kyungsoo was too strong. Too pathetic. I knew I was weak for the blind kid now, I didn't want to be. But I was and I had no way of controlling it - just like a druggie couldn't stop wanting a drug after crossing the line into addiction.

   So the next day, I borrowed Jongin's bike and waited for Kyungsoo outside the school building.

   I waited until Kyungsoo came out. _Alone._ I frowned. _Surely, the blind kid wasn't going to walk home alone like this?_ But that's exactly what Kyungsoo did. He gripped his white walking stick firmly, and turned left, keeping next to the school boundary wall. I followed on the bike at a safe distance. 

   Kyungsoo was slow, but I realized it wasn't because of the blindness. No, Kyungsoo actually enjoyed the walk. Sometimes, he would stop outside a bakery and inhale the scent of freshly baked bread. Sometimes, he would hesitate outside a coffee shop, rummaging through his pocket for a few bills, and then change his mind. Sometimes, but I wasn't sure about that, Kyungsoo stopped to talk to the stall ladies. Then, finally about a slow walk of twenty minutes, Kyungsoo turned towards the lower suburbs of the city. I knew these dark streets and alleys; I'd been here during many of the gang skirmishes. It was suddenly dangerous thinking that Kyungsoo actually lived around here. I stopped the bike a few yards away from Kyungsoo's small but pleasant home. I watched as he produced a key and went inside.

   "He lives alone?" I asked the wind. It seemed likely. Otherwise no parent would allow their blind child to fend for himself on the gang-infested streets like this.

   My curiosity, and daily dose of Kyungsoo, was sated for the day, so I went home. All the while, I kept wondering whether Kyungsoo didn't go inside the coffee shop because he had no money. Or that he wanted something from the bakery. I wondered if I could buy those things for him. I thought whether or not I should ask him to join EXO, to benefit from the protection, as a chance to help him out as an excuse.

   Then I shook my head. Kyungsoo looked at peace, as he was. Dragging him into the life of darkness would be pointless cruelty.

 

 **After** the week ended, along with the so-called investigation, I made a vow to myself. Kyungsoo was dangerous for my mental health. I vowed that I would have to stop going about my habit of observing Kyungsoo. The more I got to know him, the more I became familiar with Kyungsoo's soft smiles, the worst my yearning grew. Ignoring him, perhaps, I could go back to the simple days, the days without reveries.

   As I returned to the school after a week long absence, I scanned the area around me once. Apart from everyone staring at the boss of EXO, the probable suspect of the incident last week, and whispers following me, there was no sign of Kyungsoo. Good.

   Through the day I went about my classes, with my friends, my usual routine of lording over the place as was my right and duty. I was secretly glad that I didn't have the App. Psychology class today - small miracles.

   At the lunch, I was barely aware of Kyungsoo's small group of friends getting their food and finding their table through my peripheral vision. I was secretly glad again, because even while Song walked in Kyungsoo's group she kept away from him, five feet, just as I threatened. And then I remembered my vow, and went back to ignoring them.

   But it was hard. Knowing that he was just a few feet away, blind and oblivious, carefree. Something inside me swelled, wanting to explode out of me. It wasn't pleasant, and tasted too much like sadness on my tongue. 

   By the end of the day, I was exhausted as if I'd been physically running away from Kyungsoo instead of just averting my eyes. I was happy to go home, and walked to my locker alone. Jongdae was waiting at the school doors, while everyone else had already left for the car. I reached my locker and suddenly froze.

   Someone was laughing just a few lockers away. I knew that laughter. Sure enough, it was Kyungsoo, leaning against his locker and laughing at something Yixing had just said.

   I couldn't even defend myself - I _looked._ And it was excruciating, glorious and startling to finally see him. This was the tragedy of us. I only had eyes for him... and Kyungsoo couldn't even see.

    _He probably doesn't even know that I exist._ It hurt more than it should have.

   I was about to look away when Yixing casually put an arm around Kyungsoo's waist and pulled him in a hug. Kyungsoo, in fits of laughter, couldn't help but lean his head onto Yixing's shoulder.

   The dark dam inside me burst. The explosion devastated everything in its path, my sense, reason and rationality.

   I moved. That was all I remembered later, _moving._ I didn't remember that I manually grabbed Kyungsoo out of the hug, pressed him aside on the lockers. I didn't remember grabbing Yixing's throat with my other hand. I didn't remember pulling Yixing up by throat, squeezing until tendons stood out on my arms. I didn't remember slamming Yixing's skull against the lockers, repeatedly. I also didn't remember Kyungsoo screaming in the background, and Yixing passing out, a trail of blood down the dented lockers.

   All I remembered was this: _Yixing's arms around what was mine. My Kyungsoo in another's arms._

   Later, much later, as I sat in the police station and Yixing was taken to the emergency room, I realized what I'd done. I'd nearly killed someone because of Kyungsoo. It wasn't like the other kills I'd made. Other people died because I was keeping order, protecting my father's territory and myself. Yixing wasn't an enemy; he was just a student, and Kyungsoo's friend to boot. His crime wasn't even a crime; a friend embracing another friend wasn't punishable by law.

   But I lost it when Kyungsoo hugged Yixing back. The realization that Kyungsoo wasn't probably even aware of me, that we were different and worlds apart, that I could never be close to him and make him laugh or hold him, it broke something inside. Something dangerous. I acted on it without even blinking.

   As I sat in the interrogation room, waiting for my father to send a lawyer and control this mess, I tried to think of the ways I could atone for everything. I'd have to apologize to Yixing, probably even cover his hospital bill. And then, if I had the balls, apologize to Kyungsoo as well.

 

 **I** went to the hospital the next day. I was stopped at the ward entrance, but after confirming I meant no harm, I was allowed to go. I entered Yixing's room, and stopped.

   Yixing was heavily bandaged around the head, and right there, next to his bed, was Kyungsoo, sleeping in the chair. I inhaled deeply. I was thinking of apologizing to Kyungsoo much later, but it felt like this was my redemption.

   Gripping the bouquet I'd bought, I took a step forward, and stepped on a dropped wrapper. It crackled, and Kyungsoo jerked awake.

   "Who?" he asked. Then he sat straight. "Are you his boyfriend? Sehun, wasn't it? Don't worry, he's doing much better."

   I was stunned stupid because Kyungsoo was speaking to - _at_ \- me, and then stunned again that Sehun, my own gang member, was Yixing's boyfriend. I blinked, trying to get a word out.

   "Have you talked to your boss yet?" Kyungsoo muttered. I was stunned again because there was hatred in his voice now. "Has he explained why he would...?" Kyungsoo's voice faltered and he closed his eyes, breathing hard. "Yixing didn't do anything, I swear. No matter what the police says, Yixing didn't do anything violent. He came out of nowhere... I was... I'm helpless. As always. I couldn't even save him."

   I knew I had to say something now. I hated those bright tears in Kyungsoo's eyes, waiting to spill. I stepped closer. "I'm going to explain now."

   Kyungsoo stilled, eyes suddenly becoming round. I wasn't sure if to be happy that Kyungsoo recognized my voice. But I continued my apology. "I'm here to apologize, to the both of you. What happened was..." _I was jealous._ "... an accident. I mistook him for someone else." _I thought he was a rival._ "And I acted without thinking. If you can forgive me, please let me know. If you can't, I'll understand." _And never ever forgive myself either._

 For a moment, Kyungsoo sat silent. I bit my lips and then placed the bouquet on the side table. I started to leave, thinking that I wasn't going to get anything, much less forgiveness.

   "Is it true? Was it just a misunderstanding?"

    _No. It wasn't. I had wanted to hurt Yixing. Because he was touching you._ I couldn't say that. So I lied again. "It is the truth."

   Kyungsoo sighed. "All right. I'm going to forgive you, when Yixing does. Not now."

   I bowed deeply. Kyungsoo couldn't see, but I had to apologize sincerely. "I understand. I'll leave now."

   But I didn't leave. I stood outside the glass door for a long time, watching Kyungsoo sit alone in a chair, his expression thoughtful. I waited, and then saw Kyungsoo stand up and go around the bed. He picked up the bouquet from the table and smelled the Jasmine and Lavender flowers. I saw a small smile on Kyungsoo's lips.

   I left then, tucking that smile into my heart. My first time making Kyungsoo smile. And if fate was merciful to me, it would be the first of many.

 

 **Kyungsoo** forgave me on a Friday, two weeks later, and near the end of the first semester. He found me this time, at our table.

   Jongdae opened his mouth to say something offensive, and Chanyeol punched him. Minseok snaked his hand under the table for his hidden dagger, as Kyungsoo silently approached us, Jongin intercepted his arm. Sehun looked down, ashamed; he hadn't been able to go to Yixing because Yixing had refused to see him anymore. I sat up, my heart rabbiting. 

   " _Kyungsoo_..." The name left me in a whisper. It was a loaded whisper too, containing almost all of my longing. Jongdae and Jongin turned to me, gazes sharp. But I only had eyes for Kyungsoo.

   For his part, Kyungsoo was going to speak to the table generally, but at my whisper, his eyes shifted to my direction. He looked vaguely confused at his whispered name too. But he regained his senses calmly and said, "Yixing says that he forgives you."

   Across from me, Sehun looked up sharply; hope flickering like a dying candle in his eyes.

   "So I forgive you as well."

   I could breathe again. I nodded, then winced. Kyungsoo couldn't see. "Thank you."

   Kyungsoo tilted his head to a side. "Is Sehun here?"

   Sehun nearly fell off his seat as he scrambled to his feet. "I'm here."

   "He said he wants to see you soon," Kyungsoo said, and turned to leave.

   Sehun was out of his seat too, running to the doors, probably going to the hospital at once. I watched Kyungsoo as he returned to his seat, and his few friends who he wasn't as close to as with Yixing. Shame welled up again and I silently vowed to myself, yet again. I was never going to hurt Kyungsoo for a second time.

    Beside me, Jongdae said, "Boss, you like the blind kid don't you?"

   I didn't respond, which was answer enough. I half expected Jongdae to laugh and make fun of me. Instead, Jongdae looked to Minseok, who was oblivious, and said, "Then it's settled. We'll protect him. For you."

   Chanyeol inclined his head, agreeing. "It makes him family. We protect our own."

   I smiled genuinely in what felt like ages. This was why it was worth being a gang leader. EXO wasn't about violence, thievery and rape like other street gangs. EXO was about family, and protecting our own. I felt like a father, who had successfully raised all of his kids. 

 

 **Life** was nearly perfect now. The first semester was coming to a close, and there was something like an understanding between Kyungsoo and me.

   We spoke occasionally - nothing but greetings as we passed by each other. 

   "Hey, Kyungsoo."

   And he would look at the sound of my voice, frown, and then smile. "Hey, Baekhyun."

   That was it. Nothing more, nothing sinister. And I was content, for a while at least, to know that he now knew I existed. And there was a silent, deadly thrill to hearing my name in his voice. In his sweet tone, it almost sounded like he was swallowing honey rather than saying my name.

   My gang was gracious towards the whole situation, a display of loyalty I had never expected from them. They didn't know what my real, secret feelings for Kyungsoo were. But they knew I cared for the blind kid, that I worried for him. So they made sure to keep their promise too - they took care of him. On days that I was busy, Jongin or Minseok would remember to follow Kyungsoo, just to be sure that he got back home safely. If by any chance I failed to come to the cafeteria because of gang-related business or calls, Chanyeol and Jongdae would make sure that Kyungsoo was eating well and happily chatting with his friends.

   As thankful as I was of my friends to do this for me, I couldn't help but feel jealous that Kyungsoo was in their eyes now. I hated that I wasn't the only one to follow Kyungsoo home, the only one to see him enjoying the walk. I hated that I couldn't see his smile as he chatted with his friends.

   Yixing recovered just in time for the annul exams and came back to school. He looked healthy enough, but there were obvious traces of hospital and medicinal diet on his face. I was glad that Kyungsoo couldn't see the damage I had inflicted, and once I had gathered enough courage, I met Yixing personally. I apologized, bowed, and assured him that nothing of this sort would ever happen again.

   It went well enough. Except, Yixing was silent as I said my piece. His eyes were blank yet alert as he studied me. Once I realized I wasn't going to get his apology first hand, I turned to walk away. 

   That's when he spoke up. "What do you want with him?"

   I almost tried acting innocent but there was no point. We both knew who _him_ was. At first, I just wanted to go with the version I'd given my gang members. That I thought Kyungsoo was innocent and shouldn't be bothered, that I thought of him as a friend. But I knew I couldn't lie to Yixing, who probably knew Kyungsoo better than anyone else.

   "I honestly don't know," I told him the truth. "I just... _look_ at him. And it just messes me up. I've tried to get away but it doesn't help. I wish I could tell you want I wanted - even I don't know what I want."

   "I'm going to tell you something, and I expect you to honor my words," Yixing's voice was sharp. "Kyungsoo lost his eyes in an accident at a very young age. But in the same accident, his father died, and his mother became paralyzed. So before you try to tangle him in your mess, in your world, I suggest that you consider that he is the only one taking care of his mother. He doesn't have anyone else. And if you managed to drag him into you gang and he got landed into a jail -"

    I held up my hand to stop him. "I have no intentions of ever dragging him into my world. I know that we don't... _belong_ together. So please, you don't have anything to worry about."

   I had told him that, but as days blurred by I realized I wasn't going to be able to keep my word. Because there was no way I could get away from Kyungsoo. And the obsessive feelings I had towards him were now at the breaking point. I might be successful in not dragging him to my world, but somehow, I had managed to drag myself into his.

 

 **It** happened during the last week of the semester. Kyungsoo had somehow managed to slip outside without anyone noticing. He hadn't even said goodbye to Yixing, who later found me in front of my locker and asked, "Have you seen Kyungsoo anywhere?"

   Once I told him I hadn't, it was apparent that Kyungsoo was either somewhere in the school building, or had already left. I instructed my gang members to search the premises, and Yixing went with them. But I had a gut feeling that told me to take Jongin's bike and go outside.

   I followed Kyungsoo's usual route home. And then doubled back. There was no sign of him. And I almost believed that maybe Kyungsoo had already reached home, but then I passed by a dark alley in the lower suburbs.

   There was nothing worth the interest. Just another inferior gang harassing someone. And then I saw a flash of Kyungsoo's white cane. I swerved the bike and charged into the alley.

   The engine growled louder in the echoing darkness as I revved into the direction of the monsters who were trying to beat Kyungsoo with his own cane. They scattered as they saw me flying towards them, but the one with the cane, the one beating Kyungsoo, the one who was my target, didn't move fast enough. I hit him full speed, and continued pushing him to the far side and rammed him into a wall. His body jerked, and something cracked. His scream was music to my ears. As he flopped on my bike, I saw that his head had cracked open like a rotten egg. And his abdomen was pierced through with a stray iron rod sticking out of the wall where I had him pinned.

   Behind me there were cries of rage. Apparently I had just off-ed somebody's second. Well, who gave a fuck?

   I stopped the engine, took off my helmet, placed it on the seat carefully, and swerved just in time to block the baseball bat aimed at my head. I kicked the man's nuts, and snatched the bat for myself. There were six of them now, and by their looks I knew none of them were capable enough to afford a gun - good for me, bad for them. I looked at each of their faces as I swung my bat and let loose my entire rage on them. I remembered their pain, their pleas. I vaguely heard as they recognized who I was, their King, and I heard them beg. But it didn't matter anymore. They hurt Kyungsoo, and now they had to die.

   It took me several moments, but once I was finished, I dropped the bloody bat and tried to wipe my hands on the shirt of the last one I killed. There was no way I could help Kyungsoo with these dirty hands.

   I finally looked at Kyungsoo, and felt the rage again, it blinded me, and I wanted to burn the world. 

   He was slumped against the wall. His clothes were ripped and there were angry gashes on his chest, on his neck and face where the cane had mercilessly landed. It was obvious in the way he curled on himself, the way his body shivered. These monsters... they'd not just beaten but tried to rape him as well.

   I was tempted to turn back, raise them from dead and kill them all over again in the worst way possible. But Kyungsoo's whimpers caught my ears, I ran to help him.

   "Kyungsoo, are you okay? Can you hear me?"

   He lifted his face towards me. "Baek-hyun? Is that you?"

   I knelt in front of him, hesitated, and then touched his shoulder in order to help him stand. He jerked away, terrified, and I stopped my hand. "Kyungsoo did they... what did they do to you?"

   His lips trembled. "Took my money... tried to... my clothes..."

   I felt an overwhelming sense of relief at his words. They hadn't raped him. They'd tried to... but they hadn't succeeded. "Thank god you're okay! Come on, I'll take you to a clinic. You need to take care of the wounds."

   I waited for him to allow me to touch him. And when he finally reached with his hand, I grabbed it and yanked him to his feet. At once, he fell on me, arms going around my waist as he started sobbing into my chest. I held on to him tightly, burying my face in his hair, taking in his sent. This was the first time I touched him, held him, and it was better than all those dreams and imaginations that have been plaguing me.

   It felt so different than the obsession I had come to accept. This feeling that erupted in my chest was not curiosity. I wanted to hide him away somewhere safe where nothing bad would ever touch him again. I wanted to protect him at the cost of my own life if possible. And I knew, whatever this was, my feelings, this tightness in my chest as Kyungsoo's tears soaked through onto my skin, it was no longer simple. This was serious. And I was certain that now I could never, ever, walk away from him.

 

 **Kyungsoo** refused to get any type of medical treatment, and when I inquired as to why? He simply said, "I despise doctors."

    I wasn't about to put him through something awful again, so I just led him to Jongin's bike and helped him in seat. After he was safely on, I put the helmet on his head, carefully because he had a gash on his forehead. The urge to run my fingers through his hair was too unbearable, but I managed to get away with a simple stroke. I wasn't disappointed - his hair was just as soft as I'd imagined.

    As I sat in front of him, Kyungsoo automatically scooted closer, his arms wound around my waist. Again, I squashed the urge to lean back and feel his chest against my back. I felt guilty for having such thoughts while he was in pain, but it wasn't my fault that he made for such a tempting target. This reminded me of these lowlifes, trying to touch him. If a nobody gang had managed to get their hands on him, I couldn't imagine what the others would do if Kyungsoo ever got tangled with them. 

    As I tore out of the alley - Kyungsoo's arms tightened around my waist - I kept thinking and came to a conclusion. I'd have to break my promise to Yixing. I'd have to take Kyungsoo in, under EXO's wing for his own safety.

   "My home is just around the park and the market," Kyungsoo said, his breath ghosting over the back of my neck.

    "I know," I said back, leaving him to whatever conclusions he drew from that.

    I stopped outside his house, and helped him off the bike. For a moment, Kyungsoo seemed dizzy - I didn't know if that was because of his wounds or because of the ride. But then he took off the helmet and held it out for me. 

    "I don't want to worry my mother," he said, a little unsteady on his feet. "Could you... please come in and help me out again?"

    I blinked. _This was... Kyungsoo was inviting me to his home._ Somehow, after months of nothing but vague greetings, this seemed like a sudden leap. But still, my heart was pounding too hard for me to care. "Of course."

    I took Kyungsoo's arm, and he leaned into me readily. We hobbled to the door, and Kyungsoo produced his key and opened the door. Inside, there was darkness. I knew that Kyungsoo didn't really need light, but I was also remembering what Yixing said about Kyungsoo's mother. She was paralyzed, and maybe didn't need light either.

    As we stepped inside, Kyungsoo pulled away from me and hobbled ahead, obviously familiar with the surroundings. I stood in the light of the doorway, feeling useless.

    Somewhere ahead, Kyungsoo turned on the lights. "I'm sorry everything is such a mess."

    I was too busy taking everything in to reply. The thing was, everything wasn't a mess. In fact, there wasn't much of anything in Kyungsoo's home that could cause a mess. The small room where we stood was a living space, with mats on the floor. On the mat, there was a small table and a cushion next to it. Kyungsoo probably sat there alone and ate his meals. On the far side of the room was a kitchen, and from what I could see, it was stocked with bare necessities, four cups, plates, bowl, spoon, forks. Nothing extra.

    "It's not that messy," I replied, trying to sound casual about it. "My room's far messier than almost everything."

    Kyungsoo tilted his head, as if he found my remark interesting. But then I realized, he was listening to something. I wonder if he could hear my thudding heart.

   "Mother is sleeping," he said finally. "We best be quiet."

    And so, quietly, he led me to a small hallway next to the kitchen door. There were two doors in the hallway, and Kyungsoo led me to the one on right. As with the rest of the house, his room was a collection of bare necessities: bed, study table, book rack, and wardrobe. I couldn't see any pictures of Kyungsoo or his family, there was no color in his house. 

    As Kyungsoo searched through the drawers for something, I was struck with want. It wasn't the physical kind of want that I'm used to when it came to him. It was different, deeper. _I want to know you._ I wanted to know what his life is like outside the school. I wanted to know what sort of relationship he had with his mother, did they love each other or resent each other like my mother resented me. I wanted to know what the world was like for him and his dark eyes. I wanted to know what made him smile, what gave him courage, what caused him grief. _I want to know everything about you._

    And I was stunned. I've never _wanted_ someone quite like this before.

    Kyungsoo had successfully found what he was looking for. It was a Tupperware container, and he held it out for me. "Can you please find the spirit in here?"

    I walked into the room and took the box. There was a roll of bandage inside, some Band-Aids, cotton and three small bottles. I found the spirit and gave it back. Again, I watched him as he sat down on the bed and started treating himself. They way his fingers moved, precisely, naturally, made me wonder exactly how many times he had to treat his wounds alone. How could he be so practical about such an excruciating ordeal, and just how many times he'd come home after tangling with bullies. I remembered Jongdae's boot crushing his fingers, and winced.

    "I... can I help?" I said now, edging towards him.

    "No, it's alright. You've already saved my life and... I'm embarrassed as it is."

    Taking courage, I sat next to him. "Look, there's nothing to be embarrassed about, okay? I'm just angry you had to get through that."

    "Is that all you're angry about?"

    His candid tone caught me by surprise. "What...?"

    "Isn't it because I managed to escape the guard watch you set on me?"

    _He knows!_ I felt so guilty that I actually shrank back. A part of me was aware that setting my friends to follow Kyungsoo was not morally right, but another part of me, the part that worried over him, felt like I was being misjudged.

    "How did you...?"

    "I may be blind, but I'm not stupid." There was no heat in his words, he just stated facts. "I want to ask your motives for doing this, but considering that you've helped me already, I think I won't ask you."

    Ask me, I wanted to say. But then again, I was pretty confused about my own feelings - how could I ever explain it to him? "I was... I was hoping that you needed protection. Considering what happened today, I wasn't wrong."

    A strange emotion passed over his face. I didn't recognize it, but it felt strong enough that he had to turn away his face. When he looked back at me, his face was devoid of any emotion. 

    "Do you think I'm weak?"

    My heart plummeted. "No! I think you're really amazing!"

    "Most of the time people tell me I'm weak. But none of them go so far just to prove a point..."

    I stood up and started pacing. Everything was going wrong. "That's not what I think of you. I don't know what kind of life you've been living before, but here, things are run by gangs. And every gang has a habit of picking on the weak ones..."

    "Like me..."

    "To some people you are weak," I sighed and sat back down. "Even I thought so... before..." _Before I truly knew you._

    "Before you knew me." Again, there was nothing in his voice, just the truth. "I was aware that you were always there, right on the edge. I knew that even if people said weird things about you... you weren't truly evil. I'm used to trusting my other senses, and what I heard was nothing compared to what you said."

    It was shocking, this moment. As the first ever conversation amongst us, it wasn't going the way I wanted to. But it was something I never expected either. A sudden thought came to me, but I was too scared to process it.

   "I never said anything..."

    "Not directly, no. But I have really good ears. And your lunch table is always so rowdy, your voice in particular stood out."

    I couldn't stop the thought now. _He knew my voice. He knew I existed._ Suddenly, it wasn't surprising that he'd recognized me at once in the hospital. Elation burst into each pore of my body and a stupid grin ate up my whole face.

    "I'm trying to remember all the embarrassing things I could've said, but nothing comes to mind."

    And then, he smiled. Soft, pure, mesmerizing. It was even better up close. His drab room lit up entirely because of it. "You didn't say anything incriminating. But... it was enough for me to know that you weren't the kind of gang leader the others thought about. But I had a hard time trusting my ears with you."

    Of course. What I did to Yixing, and that girl Song. "I already apologized-"

    "And I forgave you. But I'd still like to know why you had me watched."

    The unsaid words hung between us. _Why did you watch me?_ But since I'm stupid, I tell him the half of the truth. "Because I've adopted you as a member of EXO and that entitles protection. Even more for you because everyone else would treat you as weak."

    At this, he stiffened. "I can't be a gang member. I'm not-"

    "I know, Yixing told me about your mother."

    His eyes widened. "Yixing spoke to you! What else have you been talking about?"

    "I went there to apologize again and we just started talking about you. He warned me that you had obligations to your mother. But after what happened today-"

    "I don't need a gang to protect me! Please, leave."

    And just like that, his eyes hardened and I saw a flicker of hate again. It didn't matter what sort of leader I was. I'd always be nothing more than a crook to him. 

    "Try not to get beat again," I muttered, only half cruelly. And then I left, tucking away the memory of his second smile in my heart.

 

 **As** promised, I called off my gang. And I was glad that after what happened, Yixing was keeping a close watch on Kyungsoo at least. Not that he'd be any help when that gang came back for revenge.

    According to Minseok, the people I killed were a new bunch. We didn't know their name yet, but they wore a grey raven on their skins, so we just dubbed them _Raves_. The Raves had somehow managed to slip past the radar I set up specifically to keep new gangs from infiltration in my territory. Another thing that bugged me was that there was no way to recognize them unless they chose to reveal the raven on their chests. 

    I knew that once they figured out who I was, they'd come to get their revenge. I just hoped they'd keep Kyungsoo out of it. Thanks to Chanyeol and his gossip network, I put word on the street that could conveniently save Kyungsoo from trouble.

    _EXO leader killed the trespassers._

    Let them think I was punishing them because of trespassing alone, and not because they dared touch Kyungsoo.

    Speaking of, I was back to ignoring him again. He had clearly said that he didn't liked being watched over, so who was I to go against his wishes? The gang had a hard time digesting what they considered an insult but I managed to keep them in leash.

    But what could I do with my weird feelings? I didn't know how to ignore my curiosity about all-things-Kyungsoo. I didn't know how to get rid of this addiction.

    Kyungsoo wasn't helping the matters either. Each day, he became more handsome and mesmerizing. I didn't know if it was deliberate or if my drugged mind had created this illusion. All I knew was that I was in deep shit.

    It was impossible not to look at him. I'd have to go blind first, and maybe even then, I won't be able to look away.

    The last week was at an end, and it was the most miserable time of my life. Between the tension rising in EXO because of the imminent threat of a new gang and my frustration over Kyungsoo, things were going out of control. The last day of each semester is dedicated to fun only, and this semester's theme dance was going to be awful. It wasn't because I had no date; there were a number of girls and boys I could ask. It also wasn't because this dance was going to be just as boring as each one in the past. It was because Kyungsoo was participating in the show.

    I heard it from Jongdae first. 

    "We're going to keep a lock down around town at the dance," he said between nasty bites of his hamburger. "So don't worry and enjoy, boss. I heard the kid is participating."

    Sometimes around the unplanned watching over of Kyungsoo, my friends had stopped calling him the blind kid, and simply named him the kid instead. As if he needed looking after. I could tell them exactly how well Kyungsoo could take care of himself and dress wounds better than they could imagine, but I was avoiding Kyungsoo and so I wasn't going to talk about him. But damn Jongdae to high hell - my curiosity was at its peak.

    "Yeah, what's he doing?" I asked, all casual.

    "Fuck if I know," shrugged Jongdae, all casual. "I just overheard them talking in the music room."

    The music room? All at once, I was ashamed of myself. Knowing Kyungsoo, ignoring Kyungsoo - it had been nothing more than the worst conduct possible. I thought I knew him, understood him, but really... I didn't.

    "He's still there, I think," added Chanyeol, casting a wary eye at me.

    I left the table.

    So what if he's sill there? I didn't care. He didn't want me to bother him, so I won't. There was nothing to be done about that.

    And yet, my feet carried me to the upper floors, towards the music room hallway. It was deserted, everyone was at lunch or just preparing for whatever they had to do at the dance. But I heard a tinkle of music coming form the end of the hallway. 

    I was walking forward and reaching for the music room door before my mind caught up with me. If Kyungsoo had been able to catch up on my spying without much trouble, he'd definitely not appreciate it if I just waltzed in and interrupted whatever he was doing. Instead, I just peered in through the small look-through window.

    And there he was, sitting at the stool, and playing piano. His delicate fingers flew over the keys, and his eyes were closed. It was almost as if he wasn't in our world anymore.

    _Piano._

    It was so beautiful, soft and timid - the traits I'd come to associate with Kyungsoo.

    But his face was even more heartbreaking. I admit I couldn't read expressions well, but Kyungsoo's face was so expressive that it was impossible not to know what he was going through. And right now, he was sad. The furrow between his eyebrows, his sealed lips, clenched shut eyes, the stiffness of his shoulders... and the melody, haunting, strange, and heartrending. He was in pain of the worst kind, and all I wanted to do was to run inside and hold him. Like I did in that dark alley.

    I never knew I could miss holding someone like this. But I missed him; the importance of this was just beginning to wake in me. I missed my father, because he stayed away on business trips more than he had time for me. I missed my mother, for she'd become distant as we grew older. And I missed my childhood when everything was carefree and happy.

    And now, I missed Kyungsoo. He was the only bright thing in my dark world.

    Suddenly, he stopped paying. And when he looked up from the keys, his cheeks were wet. 

    _What was he thinking about? Who was he missing? What could make him cry like that?_

    I was jealous of whoever was on his mind.

    If I stayed there one more minute, I might do something stupid. So I turned around, and left. Each step broke my heart a little more.

 

 **The** day of the dance, our P.E. teacher asked me and my friends to arrange the auditorium. It was expected, almost each time anything happened in the auditorium, the athletes and the gangs were the ones who got stuck with the laborious work. While Jongdae and Minseok helped Chanyeol and Jongin with sweeping the auditorium rows, I was instructed to wash the bathrooms and sweep the green rooms with a couple of jocks.

    Usually the jocks are useless, but since some of them are EXO members, and others are afraid of me, they worked in mild silence. Still, the bathrooms hadn't been cleaned since the last assembly in the auditorium and it took us forever to do a satisfactory job. We were almost finishing up when our P.E. coach showed up to tell us that the green rooms needed to be cleaned at once because the performers were waiting.

    I took a guy with me and went there. While he went to the girls green rooms, I walked into the boys. Luckily, it wasn't that bad. There was a layer of dust on the counters, and the floor required cursory sweep only. I'd just started working when the door opened and a familiar voice fell on my ears. I don't know what prompted it - it wasn't like Kyungsoo would see me or anything - but I dove behind the changing room curtains and waited.

    "Oh, good. It's empty," said Yixing, shuffling into the room and putting something down on the desk heavily. "You should go first. When the others get here it will probably be messy and crowded. I'll wait outside, okay?"

    "Okay," said Kyungsoo. Hearing his voice after so long... it felt good. 

    Then there was silence. I exhaled in relief, and jerked back when the curtain of the changing room flew open. 

    Kyungsoo stood there, holding an outfit. As he stepped inside and closed the curtains, touching the wall to find the hook to hang his clothes I became aware of the situation. Of course, Kyungsoo was here to change. Of course, he was going to take off his clothes.

    A better part of me wanted to scream and make myself known. But the coward part of me, lingered. I pasted myself on the farthest wall in the seven feet space and closed my eyes. I was sure he could heart my heart beating, smell my sweet tainting the dusty air.

    I only knew that he'd taken off his pant when it fell on the ground. Then his jacket zipper opened, and my whole body went still. I wanted to look. I wanted it as bad as I wanted air.

    And then, I heard him gasp. And my eyes flew open. I cursed in my head.

    I'd imagined Kyungsoo naked almost every night since the first time I saw him. And now I knew, my imagination had been preposterous next to the real thing.

    He was breathtaking. The slender curve of his back and his hips was like every dream coming true. His hips, that I'd admired a lot while walking down the hallways, was clad in underwear but still very noticeable. The pale skin and his flat stomach called to something dark living inside me.

    And then my eyes landed on his expression. He was facing  me. He was terrified.

    "Wh-Who is there?" he asked, shaking. I hated that I'd scared him, but still, I couldn't just reveal myself. So I just stood there, hoping against hope that my heart will become calm. "I know you're there! Who is it?!"

    And then he took a step towards me. We were four feet apart, but still so close. There were so many things I wanted to know, to say. _How have you been? Did you miss me too? Were you waiting for me to greet you? Did you also dream of our embrace in that alley? Who were you thinking of when you were playing the piano?_

    "Is it... _you?"_ Kyungsoo said suddenly, eyes wide. 

    And I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't wait for him to ruin my fantasy. What if he'd been expecting someone else? What if... he was disappointed it was me?

    _What if I never see him again?_

    I edged off the wall. I wanted to leave. Instead, I put myself closer to him. He was just a hint shorter than me, and I loved the way his eyes widened at our proximity. And his lips... gently parted, purely pink.

    I leaned down and kissed them.

    And a gunshot went off in my head. 

    All the confusion, the possessive thoughts, the inexpiable ache in my chest, suddenly snapped like elastic into a place. Everything made sense now, as I scented his breaths on my face, tasted his sweet lips on my tongue.

    In just a moment, the universe made sense.

_I was in love with him._

    I was in love with Kyungsoo.

    His hands were coming up, trying to garb me. I couldn't risk it, so after just three heartbeats (had it been just three seconds?) I backed away, out of his reach and out of the room.

    I ran past Yixing who was busy playing Candy Crush on his phone, past Jongin and Minseok who were looking for me, and out of the auditorium as fast as my feet carried me.

    Once I was in the parking lot, I said it. "I am in love with him. I'm in love."


	2. KYUNGSOO

**I** was terrified the first time I heard his voice.

    Moving to a new place and starting in a new school had always been a routine thing for me. I couldn't get a stable job, and each clinic or hospital rejected taking mother in after I turned seventeen. I wasn't even surprised when the loudmouths tripped me in the hallway. Though my traitor heart went up as terror took hold of me. _Keep low, disappear._ I told myself not to protest, it only made things worse.

    "Are they fucking me?" said a high voice, exasperated as if my mere existence was an insult to his. "There isn't enough trash in the hood, and now they're letting this freak in?"

    Freak. By far the tamest insult I'd come to recognize. I couldn't fault him on that, back in Incheon, I had several other titles worse than he could imagine.

    "Seriously, Jongdae."

    My heart lurched. It wasn't his voice or the frustration that got to me. It was what lied underneath it. Being blind, I'd come to recognize people and emotions better when depicted audibly. And through his nonchalance, I detected a hint of pity for me. No, not pity, I hated that more than anything. He was troubled for my sake. Maybe that's why I focused on his voice more. Why I bit the inside of my cheek as the loud one, Jongdae, started his slow assault. Or maybe, it was his sudden, quiet retreat from the whole situation.

    As I was slapped on the cheek and forced to my knees again, I felt his eyes on me, intent, sad. When my fingers were crushed under Jongdae's incredibly hefty boots, I swallowed my despair. For some funny reason, I wanted to remain quiet so that I could hear him again, if only he'd speak up. But he didn't as my finger broke. I was definitely not going to be able to play piano for a while.

   At long last, it was over. I sighed, relishing the loneliness in which I could pick up the pieces of me. And then he was there, all around me. His scent of lavender shower gel, and mint shampoo engulfed my senses as he sat down in front of me. Still, he didn't say anything.

    When he grabbed my hand, I felt a current pass through my entire body, I nearly jerked away. But as my fingers recognized the smooth cut of my walking cane, I was overwhelmed with gratitude. Not because he was helping me, but because he hadn't pitied me once.

    "Thank you," I told to what I hoped was his face.

    And then, he left me alone. 

    Yixing found me next, and we bonded almost at once. We were both pianists, both taking pretty much the same courses and he was an absolute healing angel. It was impossible not to get close to him. I loved how Yixing always treated me as if I was a normal boy, with eyes.

    "Holy hell, did you see that top Song is wearing? It's completely see through!" He told me the first time we met Song.

    I hadn't seen it, but I'd heard enough gasps of boys suppressing groans as she walked by. "I did. Is she looking to get raped?"

    "I know, tell me about it!"

    Over the days that followed, I was glad to make happy memories with Yixing, Song, and Tae, my new friends. Things were hard, indeed, but with everyone's help, I managed to get settled perfectly. I had a hard time focusing on the school work what with mother alone at home, but each day made things better. Mother seemed to be getting good at things too, waiting for me to come to home before she could ask for something. It pained me to get her away from the nurses who saw to her every comfort, but we were far too broke to afford anything anymore - my father's money had all but run out over the years. I had been fortunate enough to get into this high school on a music scholarship, and I wasn't going to waste this opportunity to make something of myself for mother's sake at least.

    

 **Things** are never quite simple. Before he walked into the Applied Psychology class, I'd gotten to know a bit about Baekhyun, owner of the mystery voice. It was apparently all hush hush - mafia lord father, drug addict mother, and an only child, gang prodigy Baekhyun. Yixing had told me about Seoul's gang laws at the first day here, and while I understood the need to seek protection of a gang, I wasn't truly tempted to seek it out myself. I knew my home wasn't in an ideal neighborhood, and that each time I left mother alone, she was open to whatever sort of strange things gangs got into. She was an old woman now, a cripple. Even if anyone got close enough to hurt her, she'd probably feel nothing. She didn't have anything left to lose. As for me, I was a social outcast. The weak boy everyone avoided or bullied. I had nothing to lose either. Some days I wished we both had died with father years ago in that accident.

    But Baekhyun was a puzzle. A fearsome gang leader who didn't know the meaning of the word mercy, who had control over the biggest, baddest gang in town, and who killed others as if they were flies. I noticed that eerie tone of dread which crept into the voice of anyone who ever spoke of him. I heard the whispered conversions in the hallways about EXO's latest stunt with other gangs. I heeded Yixing's warnings, "Don't mind the gangs, Kyungsoo," and kept my head down. 

    But still, it didn't make sense that a fearsome leader would offer me help that first day. If he truly was as fearsome, he'd have been the one to crush my fingers. Yet, he didn't. And strangely, after that, none of the EXO members had attempted to bully me again. It just didn't add up.

    In the Psychology class, I discovered another thing that didn't add up. Rumor has it that Baekhyun was a straight A student, and mostly because of his father's influence. It wasn't true. As our teacher called him up on various topics, he rattled off the information as if he'd swallowed the whole book; some of the things were so advanced level that they weren't even the part of our lecture. He was a straight A student because he deserved it. 

    And throughout the lecture, his eyes were on me. It was a continuous feeling, a brush of something against my skin. Usually I get uncomfortable with stares directed my way but there was nothing harmful in his scrutiny. But still, what could possibly be so interesting about me that he didn't look away once?

    More importantly, _why did I care?_ Maybe he wasn't looking at me. Maybe I was simply paranoid.

    

 **It** didn't go away, the feeling of being _watched_. As days went by, I became aware of Baekhyun hovering at the edge of my existence. I didn't know what it was that kept him there, but I was fine as long as things stayed just this way. Being watched, I can handle. Being bullied by his gang, if that was his true reason to watch me, I didn't want it. 

    Each time something of note happened and new whispers followed filled with awe and fear, I was questioning my own sanity. What exactly was Byun Baekhyun's game? Either he really was a gangster, or just another misunderstood boy.

   My confusion didn't last long.

   That day in the cafeteria, when Baekhyun walked up to our table, I knew that the tragedy we all feared had come upon us. Because after that day, Song had forgotten how to laugh or joke around. She got scared every time someone tried to get close to her. I don't know what he did to her, but I knew it was so awful that she'd somehow become permanently scared of everyone.

    But how wrong I was. The real tragedy struck a few days later. EXO had killed three people, rumor had it. And for the next week, throughout the investigation, none of EXO's most prominent members came to school. Somehow, in the haze of the adventures of new school, and the new gossip regarding gangs, I'd forgotten that these gangs were truly dangerous. Between Baekhyun's eyes following me and my own confused feelings about his motives, I'd forgotten that the rumors probably existed because of a reason.

    Still, even though I knew that he was trouble, I couldn't help but think about him. The week he was gone, everything felt incomplete, wrong. The hallways were echoing without the sounds of his footsteps, the cafeteria felt like a graveyard after the mourners had left. And the Psychology class got stifling without his gaze supporting me.

    I questioned myself a number of times. _What was wrong with me? Why would I deliberately seek trouble?_ But there were things that attracted me to him. Things, that were meaningless. But it wasn't wrong that I felt his absence dearly.

    When he came back, it worsened. And when he attacked Yixing for no apparent reason, I realized how stupid I'd been. How immature I was to believe that anything human could ever exist within him. Just because he helped me once or stood up for me in class didn't mean he was a saint. I couldn't see Yixing, but I knew that the damage Baekhyun had caused was bad. So bad that Yixing's doctor said he'd never be able to fix his cracked skull, and he had to stay in the hospital for a month.

    While I worried about Yixing's lack of funding for such level of treatment, it was a shock to know that Byun Baekhyun had taken the responsibility of his bills. I was shocked still, when Baekhyun himself came to apologize. I shouldn't have been able to recognize him, but I did. It was impossible not to know that voice - it was the voice I'd sought after in hallways and in cafeteria. My heart lurched at the prospect of his voice so close, talking to me.

    I felt his sincerity. And though his reason was dull at best, I decided to forgive him. In my life I'd learned that holding grudges never worked out for anyone. Besides, there was nothing to gain from holding a grudge against someone as powerful as Baekhyun. I admit I stole a stem of a Jasmine from the bouquet Baekhyun brought to the hospital; I kept it in my favorite book. There wasn't any reason to it; I just liked the smell of it. I liked to keep just a bare hint of Baekhyun's human side close. Maybe, it was a reminder that he could be bearable too. Sometimes.

    The days which followed until the day Yixing decided to forgive him were insane. I nearly drove myself out of my mind with worry about Yixing, my mother and also Baekhyun, who was back to being quiet and mysterious again.

    The day I walked to his table and told him that I forgave him was a day of revelations for me. I met Yixing's boyfriend that day, formally I suppose. Even if we didn't speak much, the few short seconds were enough for me to know that he cared about Yixing intensely - I highly approved. And it was also the day I heard Baekhyun say my name for the first time. I was so confused about it. Something so simple shouldn't have been so stressful. But he said it like that - like he was drinking water after a walk in the desert. It was one thing for me to have stupid thoughts about him, but entirely another thing if he was observing me for a similar reason. Then again, I decided it wasn't possible. I'd heard people talk about how handsome he was, how hot. Especially girls were fascinated by his bad boy persona, and wanted to do him, whatever that meant. I'd also heard that Baekhyun would take anyone he wanted. Things like this shouldn't have been so confusing to me, but I was starting to feel like one of those girls, because I always fascinated over him.

     Which was how it took me a little time to catch on to the tail. Apparently, Baekhyun was having me watched in his absence from the school. I expect being a gang leader kept him plenty busy. But I was more worried about how long it took me to realize that I was being followed everywhere. It was worrisome because Baekhyun's friends weren't that subtle. I heard their footsteps behind me, the rumble of a bike I think belonged to Jongin, and murmured conversations in the voice I'd come to recognize as Chanyeol's: "Hello? Yeah? I'm following him. Don't worry."

     At first I let it happen. And then I was angry. I don't know what Baekhyun thought he was doing, treating me like an escaped convict, but I couldn't take it anymore. I'd rather have only his eyes on me. So when I ditched the tail and escaped, the last thing I expected was to be ambushed by a couple of hooligans on my way home. I regretted life when they struck me. One thing I hate about being blind, I can't seem to get up without the cane once I have fallen and lost it. 

    "Well, lookie here," said a cocky voice, I assumed it was the leader of this ragtag group. I hated him instantly, which further proved that I didn't have anything to do with gang leaders at all. "Isn't he just adorable?"

    "Looks too delicate," another one said, laughing loudly. "Are we sure this isn't a girl?"

    I pursed my lips, a calm washed over me, and I heard a rumble in my ears, erasing the sound of their laughter. This wasn't the first time I'd been called _delicate_. Being home schooled most of my life, I'd grown too pale and soft, even I felt it. As for my face, well I never knew what it looked like. I just heard others descriptions and made do with them. According to Yixing, I was total chick-bait, which I suppose was his way of telling me that I was handsome. But Song had once called me _beautiful_ , only she didn't mean it like an insult.

    And these boys, they were insulting me. And I was too helpless to do anything about it. I knew from past experience that mouthing off bullies was only going to make this situation worse, so I remained silent. Apparently, they didn't appreciate that.

    "Hm? What's with the defiant look?" said the boss, and kicked my face. "No matter. I was told to rough you up and then fuck you like a bitch."

    My mind caught up with _"was told to",_ which meant that this was a small branch of a larger menace. And then I registered the rest of his words. Unfortunately, this wasn't the first time I had been threatened with rape either. But it was the first time I felt terror unlike never before. We were in an alley. No one would hear me even if I cried for help. 

    When rough hands grabbed me and tore open my shirt, I tried to kick the offender away. When I heard a grunt, I knew I'd succeeded. As expected, they got angrier. I flinched as the boy used my own cane and started to beat me. I wrapped my arms around myself, holding on to my hanging shirt and ducked my head to avoid the blows. The others joined in with well-aimed kicks. I waited for the telltale signs of my ribs breaking, yet again. 

    "Fucking bitch," growled the leader, my cane whipping loud with each swing. I couldn't hold on much longer, the cane was like a hot rod against my skin. "Thinking you can live after kicking me!"

    A familiar rumble filled the air. I only had enough time to recognize Jongin's bike and duck down, when something heavy slammed against my attacker. 

    The next few moments were a blur. I only heard screams and pleas. I heard cracking bones and falling bodies. And I heard Baekhyun's heavy breaths as he unleashed his rage.

    As he finally sat in front of me, I was consumed with shame that he had to see me like this; that I had escaped from his friends only to get into trouble. I was ashamed that after all this time, it still mattered to me what he thought of me. His worried questions, his strained voice was too much for me.

    And when I broke down into tears, the last thing I wanted was to be held. I was used to comforting myself when needed. Which is why, I never knew how painfully comfortable a hug could be. I clutched him as if my soul would break apart if I let go. And he held on to me as if he felt the same. His scent of sweat, blood and cigarette smoke was surprisingly heady, and I drowned in it. His warmth was enough to stop the shivers in my body. I could feel his strong arms around me, his formidable chest heaving against my own. His body was deceptively slender, but I could feel the danger it held under the covers.

 _Just a few more minutes,_ my heart urged me. _Let me stay here. Let me be safe._

    But in the end, I had to listen to my head.

    Usually I wouldn't have taken someone home with me. I was a private person, and my home wasn't a place I liked anyone else interfering. But I could hardly move on my own, and Baekhyun was willing to help. I knew he was judging my lifestyle. I knew he had questions. But things went out the window steadily. It was one thing to know that I could be weak, and entirely another when Baekhyun thought so too. Even though he tried to assuage the situation, I couldn't take being in front of him like this. _What was I even thinking? That we could be friends?_ I was more pathetic than I had imagined.

    It was better to just forget about it all. And I managed to forget it. Even if something in my heart ached. Even if I couldn't help but notice his presence, notice him as he ignored me too.

    Everything was fine.

    _Until the kiss._

    It was ridiculous that I hadn't recognized him at once. Even more ridiculous that he chose not to reveal himself. But nothing was more shocking than the kiss. Suddenly, I knew that my strange attraction to him wasn't baseless. I wanted that kiss like I wanted eyes. It opened up a whole new world of possibilities. Maybe we weren't supposed to be friends. Maybe we were designed for more. Maybe I wanted to kiss him all along.

    But when I reached up to grab his face, better to kiss him back, I found nothing but air. He had pulled away. He was leaving. I tried to call out his name, but I was short on air supply and nothing but a gasp left me.

    When he was gone, I slid down on the floor, holding my heart. In just few seconds, Baekhyun had turned over my entire world. 

    I walked outside after a while, trying to keep my face devoid of any emotion. Yixing met me and led me in the waiting area. My performance was going to take a while, but I could already hear the auditorium filling up. Before I was nervous about everything regarding the performance. But now, all I could think about was _Baekhyun._ It didn't even matter that he'd just stolen away my first kiss - what mattered was that he'd left. He probably regretted it the minute it was over. 

    After what felt like a long time, Yixing hurried over to take me on the stage. It was finally time. I didn't consider myself a great musician, but I'd loved playing piano since the young age. I played it for my mother almost every day. But I rarely showed my talent to anyone else. Now that I was outside on the stage, I was slightly nervous.

    "Ladies and gentlemen! Please welcome to the stage, Do Kyungsoo, who would like to perform his original piano composition."

   "Ohhhh damn, the blind kid is going to perform a trick!" somebody shouted to the appreciative laughter.

    "Go kill them," Yixing muttered, and pushed me through the curtain.

    During the rehearsal I'd memorized where the piano would be, so I walked towards it. As I sat down, I almost tripped but managed to remain dignified even though many people laughed. For a moment, I closed my eyes and tried to drown out all the noise. But they were too loud, and at my stillness, got louder.

    Behind my eyelids, I remembered the moment Baekhyun kissed me, and my heart went crazy. The song I wanted to play was a culmination of my life here and the events that followed. It was progressive and haunting, though with the kiss still lingering on my lips, it felt _more._ With the thought that maybe Baekhyun was watching me, that he'd understand the things I wanted to tell him, I put my fingers on the keys.

     The first few notes rang clear, silencing everyone in the audience. And when my back up at the cello and violin started to play, a hush fell upon everyone.

    And I played.

   ([Kyungsoo's Song](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=a_cowgcjklc))

    I played as if it was the last time I'd get the chance. Like it was my confession to the world, to Baekhyun. I played like I would for my mother, unresponsive but for her finger touching my wrist with affection.

    And when I finished, I was trying hard not to cry. I'd just bared my whole self in front of a crowd. I'd just been kissed for the first time in my life. I didn't want to be here anymore.

    So I stumbled away, without even waiting for the audience's response. Yixing grabbed me backstage, and I let him carry me away. He understood what I'd done, what I'd given away.

    "Yixing, was... _he._..?" I was too ashamed to even ask.

    "Yeah," Yixing said, understanding my meaning. "He was there. He heard."

    And then I cried.

 

 **Summer** break meant I had two months to find work for myself. Before the school resumes, I wanted to have enough money to become self sufficient. I also needed to find a nurse for mother - it was pathetically obvious that I wasn't taking care of her as well as I should. At mornings, I wandered about in town and popped into any place that felt suitable. Some of these establishments weren't hiring, some politely refused me given my condition, and others took pity on me and referred me to another place that was looking for an employee. 

    At nights, I wrote songs and listened to the radio. I also missed the safety of Baekhyun's arms around me. I relived our kiss. And I slept on my pillow wet with angry, frustrated tears. I bet Baekhyun was enjoying his summer in some icy mountain resort. I bet he was having the time of his life, dating many hot girls. I bet he didn't even remember me anymore.

    In that manner, it took me two weeks to finally find a publishing company. The interview went surprisingly good, and after a day, I received the call that I had a job. It was beyond anything I imagined: I could work from home, which meant that I was free to help my mother whenever required. 

    "Omma!" I shouted, excited, as I entered my home. "I got a job! I'm going to record audio books for..."

    Something wasn't right. Usually, she would reply to me in some way. On days she could talk, she would talk endlessly even if I wasn't there. But mostly, she spoke to me in a series of taps against the bed frame. I knew she wasn't asleep because she had yet to take her meds, and she followed her schedule pretty tightly.

    I stumbled towards her room and shivered. The window was open. I distinctly remembered closing it before I left. A gust of unusually cold wind rustled the medical receipts on the nightstand, the curtains smacked against the panes at the force of it. I walked into the room, straight five steps until my knees touched the bed. I knew, even before I reached down to touch, that she wasn't there.

    She was _gone_.

    And yet, my heart thundering, I searched all over the sheets. Maybe she'd rolled over? No, she could barely move her torso! My hands knocked against something square and solid. I snatched it up. It was a device of some sort; I felt the buttons on it. The larger button had a symbol embossed out; I traced it with my finger. A triangle. _Play._ It was a recorder.

    I pushed the button.

    A voice filled the empty room. "We are the Ravens. If you want to see your mother alive, get a message to the EXO's leader. Tell him to meet us at the intersection on Monday at midnight. Alone. Try to contact the police, and we'll kill her."

    The voice stopped. My throat was heavy as something stuck inside it. I fell face first into the bed, my nose filled with my mother's scent. Tears pricked my unblinking, unseeing eyes. 

    The thing inside my throat dislodged and came out, a scream.

 

 **Finding** EXO was easy. All I had to do was ask a couple of people. It was a famous gang, and almost every soul in Seoul was in it. The woman in the coffee shop told me to check out the park ("They have their bike shows there.") and a middle school kid helped me across the highway to the Lotto Bar, ("They drink there.") For two days, I found EXO everywhere all right - I just couldn't find Baekhyun.

      At the bar, I wasn't allowed in unless I could provide the correct password, a thing apparently everyone in EXO knew. Once they knew I wasn't a part of the EXO, they escorted me out the door. I was getting desperate. I couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten or had water. I just remembered grabbing my cane and the recorder and leaving home as soon as I was finished crying.

      "Please," I begged the bouncer. "I want to join, that's why I'm looking for him."

      "We can't call him whenever we feel like it, kid," said the man. "He isn't a dog."

      "If you're really that desperate, why don't you go check out C9?" another one said.

      C9, as it turned out was a chain of high end resorts based in Seoul and all over Korea, owned by the Byuns. In only Seoul, there were five chains - Baekhyun could be in any one of them. There was nothing to do but check all of them. I had a bus pass, and a few bills in my pocket. It took two taxi rides and three bus stops, until I found the third, but largest, chain of C9. Even before I walked towards the entrance, bumping against the people milling about, I knew that Baekhyun was here.

      It was a party. The lobby and the club were jam-packed, trance music sent chills to my spine even outside the door. As expected, the bouncers stopped me. I didn't blame them. I'd been out and searching for three days and two nights already; I imagined I looked worse than a criminal.

      "Please, I need to see him," I said, my dark vision flared white as pain stabbed my head. "I need to see Baekhyun."

      And then, I faded.

 

 **"Kyungsoo!** Wake up, Kyungsoo."

      A voice. It wasn't the voice I wanted to hear, but it was familiar. Jongin hovered above me somewhere, patting my cheek rapidly to help me wake up. I blinked, hoping as I did each morning that I was miraculously cured, only to feel the same disappointment I'd learned to live with.

      "Oh, thank god! What is wrong with you? Why on earth are you...?" It seemed like he didn't know what else to say. In the end, he just helped my on my feet. "Come on. We're going in."

      My feet had stopped cooperating a long time ago, but I still managed to drag them as Jongin led me, holding my arm in a painful grip. We walked into the lobby, and into an elevator. When the door closed and my stomach lurched at the movement, I almost screamed again. It was the same kind of feeling I had when I realized that my mother was gone. Jongin's grip slackened a bit, maybe because he saw the pain in my face, or because I looked so bad he had pitied me.

      An automated voice announced, "The Penthouse" and Jongin dragged me out of the elevator into a quiet place. After the days spent outside in traffic and the music downstairs, the sudden silence rang in my ears.

      "Jongin, what is going on here?" someone said from the other side of the room, coming closer. It was Chanyeol. "Baek wants to know why you... _Oh!"_

      "He needs to see him," Jongin said, jerking my arm and pushing me forward.

      "But Baek said that he didn't want..." Chanyeol trailed off. But I knew what he meant to say. 

      _Baekhyun didn't want me._ Under the normal circumstances I'd have been insulted. Baekhyun had chickened out after he attacked me with that kiss. It was obvious he was running away. But I wasn't here for me, even if my heart ached. I was here for my mother. And I would do anything to save her.

    "Please, it's important," I said, not recognizing the pleading tone of my own voice. "It's about my mother. I need his help."

    Jongin and Chanyeol seemed to have a silent conversation, and then Chanyeol finally sighed. "Okay. Bring him."

    And on we went into a series of doors, and came into a nice smelling room with air conditioning. The cool air felt like heaven on my sun beaten skin, and I almost fell faint again. If it wasn't for the familiar feeling of Baekhyun's eyes finally resting on me, I would have.

   I was ashamed that even after all this time, after the humiliation I suffered, after loosing my mother - my heart still stopped at just one look from him. I was ashamed as I my mind conjured up our kiss again.

    "What is he doing here?" Baekhyun's voice was like a slap on scorching skin. I expected him to be mean, but I just hadn't realized how very cold he could be.

    "He said he wanted help," Chanyeol mumbled, also affected by the iciness of Baekhyun's tone.

    "Help with what?"

    "Please, my mother is..."

    "Don't," he stopped me with a command. I choked. "I may be powerful but even I can't help fight paralysis."

    Tears pricked my eyes. It was a low blow. Not that I haven't ever been made fun of because of my mother. It just hurt more when Baekhyun did it.

    "That's not why I'm here..."

    "Jongin, take him away," Baekhyun cut me off again. "I wanted to enjoy tonight and now you've just ruined it."

    "Baekhyun," Jongin's tone matched the venom in Baekhyun's. "Look at him. Look at his feet..."

    _What about my feet?_ I thought, confused, and wriggled my toes. Oh. It seemed like I'd been running around in the streets of Seoul barefoot for three days. Strange, I hadn't even noticed.

    A pause followed Jongin's words. In that silence, I felt pity of everyone gathered there, Baekhyun's entire inner circle. On other days, I would have lashed out. But I had already decided that I was going to do anything. Even beg.

    I fell on my knees and put my forehead to the floor. Beside me, Jongin gasped and Chanyeol made as if to catch me.

    "Please, I'm begging you. My mother was kidnapped. I was told to bring you the message. If I hadn't... they said they would kill her."

    Reaching into my pocket, I drew out the recorder, placing it in front of me, my head never leaving the ground. 

    "I need your help. Please, I would do anything you want. Anything!"

      _Anything_.

    After a pause, Baekhyun walked until he was right in front of me. He picked up the recorder, and pushed the play button. The same voice narrated my mother's fate, and I started chasing after my breaths that started leaving me.

  _"We are the Ravens. If you want to see your mother alive, get a message to the EXO's leader. Tell him to meet us at the intersection on Monday at midnight. Alone. Try to contact the police, and we'll kill her."_

    Chanyeol muttered, "Fuck."

    "This is..." Jongin started to say and yet again, Baekhyun cut him off.

    "Jongin, take him away." My heart cracked at the dismissive tone. I could almost see my last shred of hope crumbling. "Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

    Now I cried. It was over. I couldn't save her.

    I didn't even care as Jongin wrestled me to my feet and started dragging me away. If I was in my senses I might have noticed that instead of throwing me out, he was leading me to the adjunct door. He sat me on a soft surface, which I realized was a bed. I started panicking. When I said that I would do anything to get my mother back, I hadn't meant this. _Was he really going to...?_ No even worse, had he ordered Jongin to do something to me?

    He must have seen the horror on my face because Jongin hurriedly said, "Don't freak out, man. I'm going to leave you here. This is your room until... well, until Baekhyun decides what to do next. The Ravens have been causing a lot of trouble lately and now they have gone through with their first kidnapping too. Baekhyun is just... figuring things out." 

    I finally breathed easy. I knew that Baekhyun would at least consider helping me, and apparently he was.

    "Until then, you are staying here. Don't leave the room unless one of us is with you. There's an en suit, a fully stacked fridge, and uh... I'll get you first aid. Don't strain yourself you look like-"

     "Shit?" I ventured.

     Jongin chuckled warily. "Trust me, I've seen shit looking better than you."

    _That bad, huh?_ No wonder Baekhyun was disgusted with me. "Thanks... uh..."

    "Jongin is fine." He left, closing the door softly behind him.

    I fell back on the bed, and groaned as my body protested against the suddenly inflicted comfort. It was too much. I didn't know if she was safe, if it was already Monday and I was too late. I didn't know what was going to happen to me. And worst still, I wasn't sure what I was going to do with Baekhyun, this problem of all problems. By all rights, things shouldn't be complicated anymore now. He obviously regretted kissing me, and I was just reading too much into it all.

    At long last, the weight of everything registered. I bit the inside of my palms in order to keep myself from crying yet again.


	3. BAEKHYUN

**This** was the worst summer break ever. I missed the last summer when everything was simple. I was going all over the country and having meetings and coming home to beautiful chicks in my bed. I didn't have to look over my shoulder each moment because some stupid gang was getting uppity. And most of all, I didn't have to wake up in my bed alone with the memory of Kyungsoo's lips on mine. 

    God, I _missed_ him.

    _Wasn't that crazy?_ I hardly knew the guy. But a little that I knew, it was enough to make me fall for the fucker. I was so angry at myself, at my poop luck and him. I hated him so much I wanted to punch him until he cried. I wanted to hug him. I wanted him to want me back.

    But I was chicken shit after that incident in the changing room. I didn't even know what came over me. And the sudden realization that I was probably in love with him, didn't do much good to the fragile state of my mind. But after I'd cooled down and came back inside, he blew me away again. Maybe I was reading too much into it, or maybe it was my own reaction after the kiss - I just felt his song right in my heart. I read words in there, impossible and beautiful words. And when I saw his eyes were wet, I knew what he meant.

    _He was in love._

    I was in love with a person who was in love with someone _else_ , so in love that he cried playing the song for them. As he finished, I had to leave. I always destroyed things when I was angry, and the last thing I wanted was to destroy him.

    When the summer break started, I was ready to just forget about him. But the Raves made it worst. Little activities were popping up all over Seoul, even outside Seoul. It seemed like they were going after all the gangs. One of Got7's core members had died mysteriously during the Church sermon. Three of BTS's muscles had lost their legs after being pushed off the stairs. 

    Whoever these Ravens were, they had yet to come after EXO. But I knew they wouldn't let us off easy. A big enemy required a bigger strategy. But even after weeks, there hadn't been any movement against us. If they weren't attacking us, did they want to join up? I thought of all sorts of things, theorizing the Raven's mindset after each attack on the lesser gangs.

    And now I knew. They had attacked EXO through Kyungsoo - an honorary member of the gang because, guess what? Even after everything I still loved him. 

    When Chanyeol and Jongin brought him through the door, I didn't recognize him. He was sweating as if he'd run a marathon. His clothes were rumpled and dirty like he'd been rolling around in mud. But it was his chapped lips and scorched skin that caught my attention. God, why was he...

    _He loved someone else._

    I had to be tough. I had to make him leave. I had to look away when Jongin pointed me to his feet. _Scratched, bloody feet._

    But as soon as I heard the Raven's message to me, I knew. They hadn't attacked me before because they didn't know what would hurt me the most. They had found Kyungsoo first, because somehow they knew it. He was my _weakness_ now.

    As soon as we were alone, Minseok asked, "Do you want me to kill the motherfucker?"

    I took a calming breath, but I felt anything but. "You have to find him before you can kill him. No, this isn't just a message."

    "It's a trap," said Jongdae, fingering his gun. "And I know you are angry and want to help him, but you will not go there."

    "But his mother..." Chanyeol interrupted himself. "I mean, if we let her die he wouldn't be too keen on falling for you, Baek."

    At this I had to laugh. I was so transparent that even someone as dim as Chanyeol had picked up on it. No wonder the Ravens had found out. "It doesn't matter. He... loves someone else."

    Jongdae choked on his drink, his gun clattering to the floor. "What-?! How..."

    I glared, he silenced himself. Right now, I wanted to deal with the situation as calmly as possible. "Today's Saturday. I want you to put a tail on everyone who looks suspicious. Get someone to Kyungsoo's home and search for prints, anything. Before Monday, I want to know everything there is about these eggs, so that I can crush them."

    They didn't wait for dismissal. They nodded and left. Alone, I finally allowed myself a moment of weakness. He was here. In my penthouse. _So close..._ I'd been able to pick up the scent of him.

    Jongin came out of the room where I'd told him to keep Kyungsoo. "Do you know where the first aid is?"

    I blinked. "I know."

    Jongin crossed his arms. "Well? Where is it?"

    I snapped. "Why? You wanna touch him?"

    "No. I just- feel sorry for him."

    I shook my head and slapped my cheek a few times. _Get it together, ass._ "He hates it when people feel sorry for him."

    But I doubt he cared anymore. Not after he'd begged... My eyes filled up, and Jongin stared. God damn it all. I hadn't expected it to hurt me physically. _Why couldn't I be the one for him? Just who the fuck he was in love with? Where was that bitch when Kyungsoo probably needed her? Was it Song?_

    I slapped myself more. I deserved it after putting tears in his eyes. "I'm going fucking crazy!"

    Jongin grabbed my arm, stopping me. I spat in his face. But being family, he always knew how to leash me. "That boy came here, of all places, for help..."

    "Because of the recording..." I hissed.

    "And begged you for help. I don't care what happened. I need you to go in there and apologize for your behavior. Now."

     I wasn't anything if not stubborn. "No." I yanked my arm free.

     "Fine," he shrugged. "He'll stay at my apartment then, until you fix this mess..."

    "No!" I roared, punching his jaw, he avoided it without blinking an eye. "Don't you dare take him away from me!"

    "Then do as I say."

    "Fuck you."

    He didn't say anything. He just walked out. Because he knew he'd won. I hated that he knew.

 

 **When** I walked into the master bedroom, I expected to get lashed. For a minute I was relieved he couldn't see it was me. I felt sick for thinking that way.

    He was sitting in bed. It was clear he'd cried again, but was trying to keep strong because this was enemy territory. His beautiful face was haggard and dirty, eyes swollen because of lack of sleep and crying. Even now, he was the most breathtaking creature in the world.

    His head flicked to my direction, and his eyebrows formed the frown so akin to him. Like a coward, I couldn't tell him it was me.

    Instead, I walked towards him and he flinched slightly. I told myself I didn't care. But I did, and it was hell. I sat down on my knees and grabbed his calf, turning it up so that I could see the damage under his feet. I gasped. I was worse than I imagined. He must have walked on hot asphalt because he had blisters, some were even infected.

    "What...?" he started asking, but then shut his mouth. Obviously he was thinking that if he tried anything we might hurt him.

    Let him think that. It was the only was to keep myself distant form him. The apology Jongin wanted me to give hovered on my tongue, but I was distracted by my work and his feet. So I just treated him quietly. The medicine stung, but as before, Kyungsoo barley gave a moan of discomfort. Of all the things he could have been used to, I just wished bruises weren't one of them. Yet it was the case, and as I cleaned his scratches and blisters and wrapped the soft gauze around his feet, I found myself making yet another promise that I was probably going to break in the near future. After tonight, Kyungsoo will never bleed, not for me, or anyone.

    After I was done, I took a breath and started to go ahead with my apology. If he was already in love with someone, it didn't mean we can't be friends. I winced at the thought. _At least,_ my sick heart consoled me, _I'd be near him._

    "K-" saying his name was painful.

    "Thank you," he said before I could gather the rest of my courage. "You didn't have to do that. I could have... I mean, I know how to do it. You know that right, Baekhyun?"

    He might as well have shot me. I was quiet. I hadn't done anything to give myself away unless... _Unless he could... ?_ Suddenly, I cursed my own stupidity. We always heard how disabled people had other senses that are sharper, stronger; good enough for them to rely on. If that's the case then...

    "Aren't you going to say something?" he whispered, not looking in my direction anymore. His face had turned away. "Are you going to run away again?"

    _Run away again._

    "I wasn't going to run away," I finally found my voice. "I was just checking the bandages."

    "Sorry again, for coming here and... especially after I told you I didn't need your help."

    "No, I understand. This city is freakish enough for newcomers, and I just sort of forced it on you out of nowhere."

    We were silent. I couldn't take my eyes off him, but it hurt too much as I recognized his fatigue and desperation. He seemed to have noticed my stare because he shifted uncomfortably. 

    "I wanted to ask... what are you going to ask from me after you've got my mother back? I don't have money, but I could make it. I said I'll do anything and I meant it."

    I rolled my eyes at the heavens. "Look-" I winced at the bad choice of words; his lips pursed. "I mean, you don't have to pay us. I believe that I'm the reason you got into trouble. I shouldn't have killed their people that day, trying to save you. This is probably their revenge."

    "So you're going to do this for free?"

    I was insulted at the surprise in his voice. "Yes, I am. Although, I can't guarantee the future. I can't be certain if I can save her."

    "If you can at least try... that'll be enough."

    "I will. In the meantime, you should stay here. Your home isn't safe anymore. I'll send someone to pick up your things, so just make a list by tomorrow."

    "Thank you," he said, and bowed formally again. "I'm forever indebted to you."

    "Cut it out!" I snapped. I was getting angry at his submissive attitude. He was making me feel like I was some big savior when all I could think of was finding whoever he loved and kill them. So that he was alone. So that I could keep him for _myself_. "Stop acting like this!"

    "Acting like what?" 

    "Like.... _LIKE!"_ And I didn't know what to say anymore. But then I remembered and said, "Like we're strangers! I know we parted on a bad note but you don't have to be so damn formal."

    He just stared at the far wall. But I could see he hadn't expected this from me. "You were angry first. Back there. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, any more than I already have."

    And then I remembered that I was here to apologize for my behavior in the first place. But as always, nothing went right whenever we collided. "I was- I'm just..."

    "You don't have to explain. I know what rejection is. You have nothing to prove."

    His words stopped me. _Rejection?_ They rang a familiar cord within me - something he'd already said. Run away again. _Again._

    Horror drowned the next words I said, "What are you talking about?"

    Now I saw it clearly, the anger in his eyes. "I know that I'm blind and weak but I'm not stupid. You ran away first that day. You didn't even explain... And to think I was thinking of playing that song for you?" He laughed, but his eyes were wet again. "Oh, forget it. I am stupid. Yeah, that's what it is. But don't worry about it. I heard your decision loud and clear."

    I didn't even listen to the rest of his sentence. I was still not over the fact that he'd known it was me all along who'd kissed him. And that he played the song.

    _For me._

_Me?_

    Again, I was reminded of that day. The emotions on his face, desperation, fear, hope. His hands moving with unrestricted passion, the haunting proclamation of his love.

    _For me._

    And I'd kissed him before that, only to run away.

    _Rejection._

    I was too stunned to move.

    "I know this is your house and all," he said, sniffing back sobs, "but can you please leave? Can you let me keep what little dignity I have left?"

    He was trying so hard not to cry. So hard, his fists clenched tightly and his chest trembled with the pressure. I picked up the first aid box and put it on the table. Then I slipped out of the room.

    His sobs reached me before I closed the door. And then I sat outside, listening to his tears. And all I felt was a depraved sense of joy.

    It was _me._ That song was for _me._  

    I was the one who he loved.

    I loved him. And he loved me _back._

 

 **Apologies** were never my strongest point. I'm known for my short temper. Most of the arguments within EXO are solved before they reach my ears. It's because everyone knows that once I get wind of it, I punish both the parties, the innocent and the guilty. It's not like I'm a snob or anything, I just don't want EXO to suffer petty arguments within our gang like other smaller gangs.

    Besides, its also possible that being on such a high rank had made me a bit impatient anyway. I just couldn't take it if something didn't go my way, so usually I wasn't the one apologizing. Which in turn had me averse to others apologizing to me.

    What I'd done to Yixing a month ago, that was something I felt was truly wrong, hence I had apologized. It had been a hard kick to my pride. But now, I was not willing to apologize to Kyungsoo because I had two, no, three major problems

    Problem # 1, I had been the one to behave badly again, this second kick wasn't sitting down well.

    Problem # 2, Kyungsoo was refusing to see me anymore. Which, I understood. He was in pain because of his missing mother.

    Problem # 3, I knew that I had to  at some point  let him know the reason behind my sudden kiss, and the disreputable behavior afterwards. This was the biggest one. In fact, it should be problem # 1.

    I could ask someone for advice. Between losing face in front of Kyungsoo, or in front of someone I knew for a while, option two was best. But I didn't know who I could talk to. Chanyeol would laugh at me. No, he'd tell Jongdae and then they would both laugh at me. Jongin would tell me to wipe my own shit. And Minseok would offer the same advice he knew best, murdering Kyungsoo so that I could kill my feelings alongside him.

    I was in the dinner hall of C9, while my gang was busy reporting to me. I only half listened, too wrought in my own thoughts.

    "His home is being watched," Chanyeol said, munching through a chicken leg. "I saw red-shirt cross the street three times today. Of all the places, he only looked up once at Kyungsoo's home. I'm capturing him tonight when he comes back."

    "I've notified his place of employment that he wouldn't be available," sad Jongdae. "They were quiet complaint when they heard your name."

    "And I have found out where they are keeping their bases," Minseok said quietly. That caught my attention. "Remember the old subway system?"

    I remembered. "Fuck."

    The old subway system ran under the denser parts of Seoul. Most of the entrances were garbage dumps, but some were claimed by the homeless or beggars. Usually nobody bothered with it, not even the cops. But it was an ideal place for a new gang to hide out without being bothered. And that wasn't even the beginning of our troubles. The old subway was a vast and intricate network. Just sweeping through them will take us weeks if not less. Not to mention, I would have to call in my civilian forces too. Most of them didn't even now how to fight.

    The only thing to do was to face the meeting with the supposed leader. It was so obviously a trap. But we wouldn't walk in blind.

    "Good work, Minseok," I said. "Get your best men on it. And Chanyeol, when you capture whoever is watching Kyungsoo's home, bring him to me."

    After I dismissed them, I stopped Jongdae with a soft command. He sat back down, a frown on his forehead. I can't believe I was doing this. But I'd seen the way Jongdae sometimes looked at Minseok. I had a feeling he would understand me better than anyone.

    "What's up, boss?"

    "It's about Kyungsoo."

    He blinked and smirked. "Ah, about how wickedly wicked you treated him?"

    "Yes."

    "You tryna apologize?"

    "Yes."

   "Then what's the problem?"

    I sighed. This was a mistake, obviously.

    And Jongdae's smirk fell. For once he was serious. "Look, boss. If you truly love him, nothing should be the problem. Especially, your pride. We all saw him bow down to you. He was brave enough to let go of everything for you, for your help. If you can't do the same, then I'm sorry, you don't deserve to love him."

    I ducked my head. Ashamed. He was right. Kyungsoo had risked everything. He'd confessed his feelings in front of the whole school for me, and I was so dumb I was still figuring out how to apologize. 

    "Just do it fast, boss man. Before you truly lose him."

    Jongdae got up to leave, his face still serious.

    "Wait, Jongdae. Are you okay?" _Have you lost your chance with Minseok?_

    He blinked as he met my eyes. And then his overly bright smile was back in place. "I'm perfect, boss." It was a lie. But I let it go.

 

 **I** decided that the best way to Kyungsoo's heart would be by saving his mother for him. We still had two days, so I spent it mostly thinking up strategies to accidentally run into his room and try to make it look like a coincidence. This was harder because now I knew that he had feelings for me. I couldn't just go in and say, "I love you too. Let's sex."

    What I wanted to say was, "Sorry for all the misunderstandings. Can we start over?" I just didn't have the courage.

    In the end, my curiosity got the better of me. I wondered what he was doing all alone in the room, if Jongin had made sure he was eating. I walked into the kitchen where the head chef greeted me over his work. Once he was finished, he came over. "How can I help you, Baekhyun?"

    I tried recalling what Kyungsoo liked to eat. "Can you make two servings of cheese spaghetti and vanilla shake?"

    He didn't bother to reply, and went behind his counter, preparing the order at once. After twenty minutes, I was walking into Kyungsoo's room - technically it was my bedroom but I was now going to call it Kyungsoo's for good. He was showered now, wearing my buttons down pale pink shirt and grey jeans. Jongin had probably given him clothes from my wardrobe. It looked good on him. His hair was mussed up, which meant he'd been in and out of bed the whole day.

    At my entrance he said, "I thought I told you to-" His eyes widened. "You brought spaghetti?"

    I smiled at the barely restrained hunger in his voice. "Yes. The head chef here is one of the best in country; he was kind enough to make this for us. I figured you must be hungry."

    I put the food down on the table, dragged two chairs near it and then went to Kyungsoo. He gasped in protest when I took his hand and led him to the chair, helping him in. 

   "I didn't eat much during dinner. And now I'm starving." I sat down too. "It's cheese spaghetti. Eat while it's still hot."

    He didn't move. I saw his question on his face, _How did I know his favorite food?_ And I saw as he realized the answer. We'd both been observing each other in our own ways. And as a result, fallen for each other. He didn't know that last part though, not yet.

    Slowly, he reached out his hand, fingers searching until he touched the table and found the chopsticks. I saw clear relish as he took the first bite. Bless the head chef and his beard. I silently smuggled some of my own share in his plate. He was obviously hungry, wandering around for three days. Jongin told me earlier that he had given Kyungsoo two bottles of supplement water, just to make up of lost energy and dehydration. He looked worn off, but at least he was eating.

    Once he'd destroyed most of his hunger, Kyungsoo said, "Thank you. This was delicious."

    I inclined my head. "I'll give your compliments to the chef."

    After we'd finished eating, I got down to the business. "They are watching your house. We expected that. But by tonight, I'll have more information. As for the meeting on Monday, I have decided to go through with it."

    Kyungsoo played with his fingers, eyes down. "Even though it can be a trap?"

    I sighed. This was hurting us both. I pulled my chair closer to him and took his hands in mine. He shuddered as our skins made contact, I wasn't better off either.

    "I want to apologize for my behavior this morning," I started speaking softly. "It was just a stupid mistake on my part. I got angry that you came for my help and put yourself in danger like this. I was angry at myself, too, that I left you no other means to contact me. I took it all out on you. I'm sorry."

    Kyungsoo shook his head.  His voice was heavy with emotion as he said, "It was nothing. I would've found you earlier if I was capable. I knew what I was doing was stupid, so really it's not your fault. If our positions were reversed, I'd have been mad at you also."

    I couldn't help but smile. He was too kind. "And as for what happened before the summer break, I honestly thought that you were playing that song for someone else."

    He blinked, mouth paring. "Why would you... You seriously didn't know?" I shook me head, but he read that gesture well. "Who else could I play for, Baekhyun? Don't you know... you're all ever _see."_

    His words ripped through my heart and down into my soul. "You're all I see too which is why... it was a hurtful thought that you could feel so strongly for someone other than me."

    He shook his head again, swallowing as if he was containing his emotions. "Who's stupid now?"

    I leaned down and kissed both of his wrists, lingering my lips on his skin for several seconds. "Kyungsoo, if I had known that song was for me, I'd have made you mine a long time ago."

    "Why?" he whispered. "I'm not even... good enough..."

    "And I am gangster, I've killed people. Yet here we are."

    Kyungsoo's eyes filled but he yanked a hand free to wipe at his eyes. He took a determined breath. "I'm not crying anymore. I won't. As for Monday, I will help in any way I can... it isn't much though."

    I didn't think that. I knew he was sharp minded. And he'd already proven that his other senses were outstanding. "Kyungsoo, I think your help would be a difference between life and death. I'd be honored to work with you."

    "Really?" 

    _Gosh, how could he not know how truly amazing he was? Hadn't anyone ever told him?_ Well, I added another to the list of things to-do with Kyungsoo: Tell him how amazing he is everyday for the rest of our lives.

    "Really," I sealed the deal by kissing the inside of his palms. "And once we've rescued your mother, I'd like to take you out on a date. Would that be okay?"

    Now, he was definitely smiling. His third smile because of me. "I'd love that."

 

 **Saturday** ended with Chanyeol calling me down to the office. It was one of the warehouses registered under my father's name, right behind the alleys near the police station. It was where we usually did our rough work. Father had the chief of police in his pocket, so it was the safest place to conduct business.

    When I entered, I saw Chanyeol, Yifan and Sehun in the middle of questioning a ragged boy in red. This must be the one who was keeping watch at Kyungsoo's house.

   "Which of the exit is your gang's office?" Yifan was asking calmly. 

    His tall personality, and no-nonsense face was really handy when it came to interrogation. On top of that, he was used to dressing well, which made the captives think he was an officer of law or something. It worked in favor. Mostly. Right now, Red wasn't talking. On cue, Sehun snapped the belt his was holding. Red flinched. It was good, if he was scared of getting beat, chances were we'd only have to use intimidation and not the actual beating. Yet.

    As I walked towards them and the light hit my features, Red went white with fear. I smirked. At least, they knew who the devil was.

    "Any luck, Yifan?"

    He turned his head and shook it at me.

    I crossed my arms. "Sehun, do you have my practicing knives?"

    In answer, he threw me a leather pouch; I grabbed it midair. The rattle of many-sized knives made Red start thrashing beneath his bounds.

    "The old subway system is a nasty place to live in," I started conversationally. "They say a well placed bomb and a fitting technical team, and the subway will be nothing but rubble. Heck, it wouldn't even bother the upper Seoul. They all hate the stench of it."

    Red glared. I met Sehun's eyes and he smiled. Glaring meant I was right. They were desperate, even if they had targeted a big gang. If subway was demolished, it will be a blow to them.

    "Now then, why does your boss want to meet at the Intersection of all places?"

    This was easy enough. And Red said, "I don't know."

    Intersection was the most public place in darker parts of Seoul. In a hub where all night clubs, bars and gambling dens converged. Many trading exchanges between gangs had taken place there. Heck, even I conducted regular exchange with BTS once in a while. But it was always under parley. 

     It was also a best place to get hit by a sniper. I was thinking that was one of the reason Ravens wanted me to see there. Once I was assassinated, they will use that victory to subdue the lesser gangs. It would be an epic tale of slaughter, I would be presented as the screamer of mercy. The Raven's head would be the merciless lord. And in the end, this poor gang will stand on top.

    "Last question," I moved forward until I stood within touching distance. I inhaled, taking a leaf out of Kyungsoo's book. Turned out, smells gave information too. On Red, I smelled cigarette smoke, alcohol and mold. He'd been an underground worker before he landed this gig of keeping watch. "Is the hostage safe?"

    Red blinked. Confused. And then he smirked, I saw relief in his eyes. I was asking all the easy questions. "Yeah."

    I smiled and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Seeing as they took a hostage from me, I'll keep you here until Monday. Sounds good? Good. Sehun, call the chef and get him something to eat."

    And I walked out. Red was gullible. And I needed him to spill more.

 

 **By** Saturday night, Red had let slip that keeping him a hostage was a mistake. He was an important person in the Ravens. 

    Minseok came back to C9 that evening and handed me a list of tattoo artist that worked under radar. Luhan and Sehun paid each of them a visit, and came back with a photo from the tattoo salon.

    In the photo, there was Red with two other boys. One was the boy I'd killed in the alley, the one who beat Kyungsoo. The other was a lanky kid with a deranged gleam in his eyes.

    "I believe I found the leader," I told Kyungsoo when I walked into the bedroom with our dinner.

    I hadn't seen him all day. And just the sight for him, sitting comfortably in the chair by the window was like a balm to my aching heart. His face melted in a smile as he heard my voice.

    "Today we are eating my favorite dish." I placed the food on the table between us.

    We started eating as I told him about our findings. He listened well, before he said, "A poor gang? Are you sure."

    "I am 80% sure. But I could be wrong. I've known that a lot of people seek refuge in the subway, hiding from law or their own personal demons. But I never thought they would show themselves in such a way."

    "Why would they go against every gang on the surface?"

    I stopped to think about it. And then I chuckled. I couldn't believe Kyungsoo had hit the nail on the head at once, while we'd been running around like headless chickens. I was so happy, I leaned forward and kissed him on the mouth, loud and smacking.

     "Kyungsoo, you are a freaking genius!" I shouted, and ran out of the room, looking for Jongin and Chanyeol. I knew what to do. I had a plan.

 

 **Sunday** came.

    I was in the warehouse again. Sehun had taken Red to another of our secret locations on the outskirts of Seoul.  Around the table, I had three others.

    As soon as Kyungsoo had given me the key, I had called the gang leaders of the biggest gangs other than EXO located in or outside Seoul. Once I explained that I knew what had been going around on the streets lately, they agreed to the meeting.

   Now they sat before me. I knew BTS's Rapmon on personal level, we'd worked together several times while clearing up the drug mafias in Seoul. But this was my first meeting with 17's S.Coups and Got7's JB.

    They looked equally uncomfortable at this situation, though I saw them appraising me with genuine interest.

    "What is going on, Byun?" Rapmon said. "I have three boys with broken legs. And a few more who escaped the similar fate."

    JB nodded at this. "Not to mention, they killed Youngjae. We only found his ashes. Just who the fuck are these monsters?"

    I turned to look at S.Coups. "Have you seen any such activity in your gang members?"

    "I have heard of it. But I'm afraid nobody's gone after my boys yet. We try to keep it low with outright fights anyway. But if you have information about this, and I can keep them safe, I'll help you."

    That was good. I liked him at once. He was as calm a leader as Rapmon, which was more than I could say for myself. "They call themselves the Ravens. The only way to recognize them is by the tattoos on their chests. They don't wear their colors or symbols openly which makes them dangerous."

    I had their attention.

    "I believe they came from the old subway system."

    At this Rapmon blinked, and JB shook his head. S.Coups looked confused. And I had my answer.

    "You've only been in business for an year, correct?" I asked S.Coups.

    "Nearly two," he agreed.

    "And you had no idea what subway I'm talking about."

    Again, he agreed.

    I turned on to the other two. "It's revenge. It's something we did, our three gangs did, in the past. They are coming after us because of this."

    "I can't recall what I did last night, Byun," Rapmon said evasively. "Much less when I went to the old subway to provoke anyone."

    "I can't think of it either," JB added.

    "I killed one of their friends," I admitted without waiting for them to fess up. "It happened a month ago. They were going after someone I care about. I snapped. But I won't ask you what you've done. It's obvious it was bad, otherwise they wouldn't have gone so far with this, considering they are fairly new."

    "What are we doing then?" S.Coups asked at length.

    I held out my hand. "I want you to join me."

    After a second, Rapmon grabbed my hand. "I always join you, fucker. You know that."

    S.Coups took my hand next. "I said I'd help. I want to keep my boys safe."

    Reluctantly, JB extended his hand also. "Fine. Let's do this shit."


	4. KYUNGSOO

**I** couldn't sleep in the bedroom. My heart was torn with pain thinking of mother. She needed so much care and attention even on normal days, but some days she required extra. I wondered if the kidnappers had fed her anything, if they were taking care of her needs?

    If she was even _alive?_

    After Baekhyun told me about the identity of the kidnappers, I tried to think of solutions to end this. I wasn't aware of Seoul's lifestyle, and I didn't know what set them apart. But I knew that whoever they were, they were desperate. And it made them dangerous. It meant mother was not safe as she ought to be, much less cared for.

    And then there was Baekhyun. I felt like I'd made a mistake coming here. When I got the message, I was desperate enough to take a chance. When I found him, my bitterness came up and I was okay with asking for his help. But now, I couldn't help but think I'd put him in danger.

    I couldn't help thinking about when he kissed me. _Again._

    To make things worse, I was actually over the moon about what he'd suggested - that we date after I get mother back. I'd almost given up hope that he liked me back, that there was any chance of it being real. Now that I was bursting with hope again, I was missing mother like never before. I wonder what she'd say when I tell her about him. I wonder if she'd be happy.

    Today was Monday. Baekhyun and his gang had gone out a few hours ago before the meeting time. Apart from the usual workers and tenants, C9 was pretty deserted. He'd left me a few bodyguards, but I was alone in the penthouse.

    And just like that, I was reminded of his farewell. He'd been in the bedroom for a long time before the wind shifted and I sensed his presence. He was quiet. Probably worried.

    I didn't think about anything. I just met him half way, and put my arms around him. He had shuddered, almost like he needed to be hugged, melting into me as I melted into him. I already knew that his embrace was the safest place in the world, but I was glad my embrace could be the same for him. 

    I held him for a long moment, and once his shivers stopped, I let him go. He didn't say anything to me. Words weren't required. He'd shown me his heart already.

    And now, I waited for him and my mother. Both of them safe in my arms, where they belonged. Where I belonged.

 

 **I** must've fallen asleep because a loud noise woke me up. I jumped out off the sofa I was dozing in and found my way to the bedroom door just as the penthouse elevator pinged upon arrival. Something was wrong; I knew it the minute I heard Jongin's raised voice.

    "Call the Chairman!" he barked at someone. "Through there! Hurry!"

    There was a shuffling of many footsteps coming out of the elevator and scattering in different directions. I took a step out of the room, trying to get someone to tell me what was going on, when a hand grabbed my arm.

    "Yo," said Jongdae. He sounded calm, cheerful even. I relaxed. If Jongdae was so clam then everything must be well. "I'm here to take you to the hospital."

    My feet became jelly, I swayed at the spot. "Hos-pital?"

    "Whoa!" Jongdae caught me fast by the arm. "Relax man, we took your mom there. She was er... what was that Chanyeol said... Ah! She was underfed. Besides, boss wanted her under the best care in one of the hospitals he owns."

    I took a relieved breath. Mother was alright. Baekhyun wanted her looked after by a proper doctor. Everything was going to be fine now.

   "That's... I don't know how to thank you." I bowed to him anyway. 

    Again, Jongdae stopped me. "No need for that. Let's just go already. Don't you wanna see her?"

    I smiled, not even offended at his joke. "Of course."

    As he led me to the elevator, I couldn't help but turn my face back. I was glad that mother was safe. But still, I'd have liked to embrace Baekhyun again. _Just once_.

 

 **"Omma?"** I hesitated, then took her hand.

    She felt bony. Her skin didn't have normal temperature. But they were pumping her full of all sorts of vitamins right now, so hopefully she'd be fine.

    On the way here, Jongdae told me about the mission and how it went. Apparently, our estimate at Raven's lack of manpower had been correct. There were no more than fifty members, at least the ones present at the meeting. The alliance with other gangs worked out, Raves got confused and made a run for it. Baekhyun took a small unit and found my mother in the old subway tunnels. 

    It had been almost _too_ easy.

    Or maybe, Jongdae made it sound like that. His storytelling skills lacked all sorts of manners and details.

    I decided to stay at the hospital until mother gained consciousness. Though, I still wanted to find Baekhyun and thank him properly, I knew that I had to give him time. Surely, he was a busy man. Even if Jongdae wasn't letting on, some of the members might have been hurt a bit. I remembered Jongin's voice and wondered who could have been hurt so bad to make him yell like that. I shook my head. _No. I'm just thinking too much._

    Instead, I sat beside my mother's sleeping form and tried to think of her alone. 

    She woke up after a few hours. And she was much better. She even called my name. I fed her, helped the nurse with changing her sheets, gave her the medicine. 

    "I missed you," I told her.

    With a little strength, her finger twitched in my grasp. "Me too," she croaked. I knew that she wanted to ask me what happened with her. Even if she couldn't find the strength to ask the question, I heard it in her silence.

    "I'm sorry I was away and you had to be in that place. But everything is better now. You are staying here and getting the best treatment available thanks to my friend."

    _Friend._ I wonder if Baekhyun and I could be called that. My mother was excited about the prospect, at least.

    "F-friend?"

    I smiled. Screw it. I had to tell her some time. "Omma, do you remember when you told me the story of how you met Appa?"

    I knew she had smiled as she said, "Hm."

    "You told me that you didn't believe in love. That it was the thing of fiction. And then you met him and everything suddenly made sense. He understood you, _saw_ you. The real you."

    I ducked my head. Her finger twitched again, encouraging me to go on.

    "I was like you. I also thought that I wouldn't fall in love. Or that nobody would fall in love with me. I mean, why would they? I'm not perfect." Taking a deep breath, I recalled Baekhyun's voice saying my name. "I was wrong. Because I found him too. At first, it wasn't about anything but thankfulness. He showed me kindness when nobody else did. But then, I started recognizing him, and I found that the way the first world looked at him was different than how I knew him."

    I chuckled as an unbearable emotion welled up in me. "Before I knew it, I was... I fell for him. It didn't matter how bad he was, or how much the air hated or envied him. All that mattered was what he made me feel."

    My mother was silent. I thought she fell asleep, but then she asked, "His... name?"

    I smiled again. Here I was, confessing my love for him in front of her, and all she asked in return was his name. That was so like her. "Baekhyun."

    "Next time..." she whispered, sounding sleepy as the medicine took affect, "bring him... here."

    I took her hand to my lips, kissing her palm. "I will."

    Once she fell asleep completely, my stomach grumbled and I realized that I hadn't been able to eat breakfast. I was too worried about everything to care about food. But now I wanted to eat.

    I walked out to find the cafeteria and bumped into Jongdae. He hadn't left me. I was distinctly touched. But so was he as he asked, "Did you mean it? You love him?"

    I blushed. "E-eavesdropping is bad."

    "I wasn't trying to. It just happened."

    Well, what the hell. I wasn't going to hide anymore. "I meant it."

    Jongdae sighed sadly, and I felt myself getting worried about him. For a loudmouth, he was being very down. He said, "I'm sorry. I was a dick to you."

    I crossed my arms on my chest. I hadn't been given time to get my walking stick before we got here, so I demanded, "Buy me food, and I'll forgive you."

    Chuckling, he took my arm. "You cut a hard deal. I approve."

 

 **Jongdae** went home for the night, and instead Minseok came to guard over me. I hadn't really talked much to him, so I wasn't sure if we were going to get along. Jongdae and I already were good friends by the time we reached cafeteria. Underneath his volatile temper, he's a pretty funny guy. Minseok was a complete stranger, so I didn't say more than a few words unless necessary.

    By the evening, I was told that mother has recovered. I was free to leave. Minseok drove me back to C9. 

    "Jongdae is much better company than you," I mumbled when he remained silent through the drive.

    Minseok broke the ice faster than the speed of light. "Jongdae was with you?"

    "Yes."

    "I thought he..." Minseok inhaled loudly. "Never mind."

    I cocked my head. _Was that concern in his voice?_ "That what... he was injured or something? He was fine."

    Minseok went back to being quiet, but I felt his frustration in waves. At C9, he all but rushed me inside the elevator to the penthouse. He kept tapping his foot. 

    "I understand," I told him. "You are impatient to see him. I know what that feels like."

    Because when the doors opened, I knew. He was _there._

    "Kyungsoo," he said. That was it. I heard welcome in his voice, relief and... _love?_

    I took a step inside. And he had me in his embrace. Instead of shuddering, he leaned down until his lips touched my ear. "I missed you so fucking much."

    "Then why didn't you come?"

    "I didn't want to be selfish. I wanted you to be with your mother." His breaths were ragged. "I wanted you to breathe, because I'm not going to be selfless tonight. Or ever."

    His words sent a heat of lust down my spine. I was suddenly conscious of the hospital smell on me, of the fact that I hadn't taken a bath in twenty-four hours. His arms tightened around me.

    "I missed you, too," I whispered.

    "Get a fucking room," Minseok snapped and rushed past us.

    "Oh, hey," Baekhyun pulled back long enough to say cryptically, "Jongdae isn't here. He's probably at his apartment by now, if you're looking for him?"

    Minseok cussed. "Fuck." He ran back inside the elevator as if hounds of hell were at his feet. 

    Once he disappeared, Baekhyun said, "Now for the real thing."

    For just a moment, I felt a stab of panic. _It's Baekhyun, m_ y heart told me. And I was alright. I felt strong. I could do anything.

    "Kyungsoo, will you be mine?"

    _His._

    How crazy it was. I've never wanted anything. Not strength. Or sight. Or wealth. Apart from my mother's happiness, nothing more was needed in my life. So how come meeting him I started wanting all sorts of things?

    How come, all I ever wanted right now was to be _his?_

    "Can't you see?" I chided, as tears fell down my cheeks. "I'm already _yours."_

    Finally. Like the clear note of a piano, our lips meet in a long awaited kiss.

    Finally, I was home.


	5. BAEKHYUN

**I've** kissed many mouths ever since I hit puberty. Young, old, beautiful, average girls and boys. It didn't matter that I forgot them as soon as they served their purpose. But kissing Kyungsoo was like purposely putting myself in a hot pan. It seared me, inside out. His mouth was cleansing me of all the kisses I've been through, making me forgot what little sanity I had left. 

    His kiss, I couldn't forget even if I died.

_Death._

    I always thought it was inevitable. I knew that my time would come someday, there was no point denying the only truth this world had to offer. But never before I had feared death like I did yesterday night, while saving Kyungsoo's mother. I'd come so close to it, I could still feel it touching my soul. It burned in the fresh bullet hole in my liver.

    It was stupid, really. After the Raves' leader saw me and the other gangs, the ball was in my court. Still, I felt guilty when I realized what the truth had been.

   The Raven leader had made one last move against us. Against JB. I didn't know why, at first, I just reacted a put a bullet in his leg. As he crumpled, he was screaming. 

    "You killed her! You killed her! I loved her so much. We were getting married soon. She was pregnant, did you know? But you didn't do anything when your gang raped her, and threw her by the side of the road like trash. You did nothing! All of you..."

    JB looked close to tears. "I killed them, after. Those bastards who betrayed my orders. I swear, I did what was right."

    But the Raven leader cried at the skies. And I knew what he felt. So what if JB did the right thing? That wouldn't bring her back. I knew because I couldn't even imagine something like that happening to my Kyungsoo.

    I raised my gun and gave it to JB. "Free him. That's the least you could do."

    JB grabbed the gun and I started walking away. 

    JB was sobbing as much as the poor boy. "I can't do it."

    I heard the clatter of gun falling from JB's numb fingers. That was all the warning I got. I whirled around, and pushed JB aside. The Raven boy had snatched the gun and aimed it for JB, and the bullet tore through my stomach.

    Another shot rang when Chanyeol finished the boy. I was falling. I heard someone scream. Pain was the last thing on my mind. All I could think was: _No, I can't die here. I haven't told Kyungsoo that I love him. I haven't asked him on our first date._ There was so much I wanted to share with him. I haven't yet kissed him properly, or made love to him. I had to make him laugh, at least one last time.

   The next thing I knew, I was waking up in Jongin's room, covered in blankets and heavily drugged. The bullet was out of me, but I was in pain still. I was told that Jongdae had depicted some quick reasoning and gotten Kyungsoo out of there. I was impressed with him. I didn't want Kyungsoo to know that I was hurt.

    And now he was here. In my arms. His kisses were so soft, tender, like he was giving away parts of his soul to me. I held them dearly, they were more precious than any gem in the world.

    He pulled out of the kiss and whispered, "What if someone sees us?"

    I caressed his nose with my own. "So what? Let them see. I want to show you off to the whole world." 

    His ears went red, the flush spreading down his neck as I said my next words. "Don't worry, though. We're all alone right now."

    I leaned into him for another kiss, and his legs melted. His whole body was on me, I felt him everywhere.

    And then his stomach made a noise.

    He backed away so fast he nearly tripped. I couldn't help but laugh as I caught him. Kissing my way down to his collarbone, I said, "Hmm, I promised you food, didn't I? Come this way."

    I led him to the bedroom. A part of my brain supplied: _Our bedroom._ Thankfully I could blush all I want, Kyungsoo wouldn't catch me. Small blessings.

    The chef had already sent up appetizers, and we dug in. I'd been functioning on drugs for the last twenty-four hours, and Kyungsoo was just as hungry. Throughout the meal, we never let go of each other's hand, not once.

    "When were you going to tell me about your bullet wound?" Kyungsoo asked calmly.

    My chopsticks cluttered to the table. I almost asked how he knew. Then I remembered that little noise of discomfort I'd made when Kyungsoo had thrown his whole weight on me. _Shit._  

    He didn't look worried. Much. "It just grazed me. Nothing serious."

    "Umhm," he said. He knew I was lying. "Next time if you get hurt, I'll beat you."

    Thank goodness he couldn't see the mushy expression on my face. But I knew that he was thinking along the same lines, because he suddenly stopped eating. His worried his lips under his teeth. There was a meaningful twist to his brows.

    "I'm full."

    I blinked, and he was on me. I made an unhealthy sound of shock as he pulled me out of the seat and led me backwards. My legs touched the bed, and I fell on my butt heavily. Over me, he stood like an avenging angel, every inch of his being spewed out a heavenly glow. 

    But more than confidence, or lust, I saw a desperation in him that didn't make sense. He nearly trembled as he reached out with his hands and found my neck. Exhaling loudly, he crawled into my lap, hands mapping the way to my cheeks. He didn't stop there. His fingertips scattered around my face, brushed the juncture of my ears and cheeks, the corner of my eyes, my forehead. 

    With a strained gasp, I realized that he was trying to _see_ me. In his own, stumbling way. 

    I closed my eyes and let him know me however much he wanted. His breaths were so near, I tasted him as my lips parted under the press of his thumb. 

    Something wet splashed on my face. I opened my eyes, and saw the tears in his. 

   "Kyungsoo... what's wrong?" I took his face in my hands, he shook himself free. He was sobbing in earnest now. "Please, baby don't cry. I can't take it."

   "I just... I just feel so unfairly unlucky."

    "Because of your mother? I know it's not something you can forget but Kyungsoo, she's safe now."

    "That's not why," he whispered, leaning closer so that his lips brushed mine. "I've never wanted anything. I've always prided myself on being good enough even if I had no sight. But with you, I felt the need to see so bad. The thing I never even needed to begin with, that I rejected, how unlucky that I want it in the end."

    I couldn't hold back my tears. I'd decided to fulfill all of his wishes already, to never hurt him. But here it was, one simple wish that I couldn't grant him. But then again, maybe I could.

    I took his hands and guided them to my own eyes, his fingers traced the shape of them, the lids, the lashes, the eyebrows. "Take mine. Take everything of me. They are yours."

    "Baekhyun," he whispered against my lips. "Kiss me."

    And I kissed him. And he kissed me.

    The shape of him was already engraved in my heart, but my hands roamed, memorizing every curve and ridge. His hand was tangled in my hair, the other still tracing my jaw, my neck. Never had I ever felt the desire to take someone inside of my very soul like this. All of the bodies that had warmed my bed were like nightmares of past. He was the only truth.

    An ache rose up in me. It wasn't lust. It wasn't need either. It was just this insane realization that this amazing person, who didn't even have the sight, was the only one who'd truly seen me. All anyone ever wanted was my status, wealth and good looks. He didn't want anything like that. He wanted to _see_ me. Just that. He wanted me to make him mine. Just that. He wanted nothing but to make me the luckiest person in the universe.

    _When was the last time God had been this kind to me?_

    I felt his need too; his clumsy movements left nothing to imagination. His hands were straying over my body too, scorching a path down my spine. When I slipped my hands under his shirt and clawed my way up to his shoulder blades, Kyungsoo made a sound so filthy that I lost every sense of control over myself.

    With a growl, I yanked his shirt off him. Kyungsoo helpfully raised his arms, our mouths parted with a loud sound. Seconds later, he was claiming me with his tongue again. I grabbed his hips and turned the tables. He fell back on the bed with a soft gasp, his hands blindly reaching for me. His pants came off without any trouble, but if I didn't kiss him again - I might die of a stroke. 

    He was on the same edge as me, and the way his hands snatched at my clothes I knew. He wanted all barriers between us gone. I granted him his wish, making a short work of my clothes.

    "Baek-hyun please..." His eyes pleaded. God, he was destroying my sanity. "Let me... _look_ at you."

    I smiled, putting his fingers at the shape of it. His mouth parted. "You're happy... and... your lips are square?" The last part made his eyebrows scrunch up in confusion.

    I chuckled, my voice ragged with desire. "Only when I'm happy."

    I guided his hands down my neck, to my collarbone and my chest. "See all of me. As much as you want, my Kyungsoo."

   His chest heaved, a soft layer of sweat appeared on it as the desire between us ignited with sweet anticipation. With relief that the one we loved the most, saw us. That we saw each other.

   His hands got bolder as they traveled all over my skin. I threw my head back and closed my eyes. For a moment, we were both blind together. And I felt his touch deep inside; he might as well have touched my soul. From my shoulders to my chest, until his probing fingers found my nipples. 

    "Unm," I bit my lips. I have pretty sensitive nipples, and almost none of my previous bedmates had been able to detect this little weakness of mine. And yet here he was, unraveling me with his touch alone.

    My whimper hadn't escaped his notice. His fingers flicked over my left nipple again, experimentally. My eyes flew open at the shock that went down my spine. I was on top, I should be the one in control. But there was nothing in this world more precious to me than giving myself to him. Again, he rubbed the pink nub between his thumb and forefinger, and his face split in wondrous smile. He was happy he'd made me whimper.

   "D-do you like this?" he asked, breathless. "Does it feel good?"

   "Y-Yes..." _Don't beg, don't beg, don't beg._ "Please, Kyungsoo please..."

   He responded in kind. Both his hands busily assaulted my sensitive nipples, and I had to brace myself with arms around him on the bed. If he didn't stop this soon...

   Mercifully, he was at the end of his control too. His greedy hands finally traveled lower, and found the bullet wound in my stomach. He traced the gauze, and a concerned expression came over the lust on his face. "Does this hurt?"

   "Not now," I told him. It was futile to lie. "But when the medicine wears off..."

   His lips pursed, and his hand went down still, grazing the juncture of my hips and torso. Again, the electrifying touch left me moaning. He hadn't even touched - heck, _noticed_ \- my cock yet and I was already gone. 

   He hesitated. Just a little, but I knew why. I leaned down and kissed his nose. "I would never hurt you, my Kyungsoo. You know that right?"

   He nodded. "I know. I just... I just don't want this to be meaningless."

   "It isn't going to be. Heck, in all my life, it hadn't ever been this meaningful..."

   "But-"

   "Kyungsoo," I said, kissing him into silence. "I love you. Nothing between us will ever be meaningless."

   He didn't answer for a moment. And then the tears were back. _Shit. Did I just confess to him?_ I searched through my memories, when had I confessed to him before? _Never. Well, damn me._

   "You-" he sobbed. "You tell me now of all times when I'm just bracing myself to accept this whole thing?!"

   Shit, I'd made him angry. He was _hot_ like this. But since the cat was out of the bag already, I got shameless. I kissed him again and again, until his sobs were swallowed and our bodies came into wild, searing contact.

   His hands found the target, grasping my cock in clumsy but soft fingers, stroking me with the grace of a toddler. But it was Kyungsoo, _his_ hand on _my_ cock. It was enough to make me explode. But I wanted this to be meaningful too. So I held on to my dear life.

   I kissed him. "I love you." Kissed him again. "I love you." And kissed him. "So damn much."

   "I love you too," he replied between breaths. Our tongues tangled, chins wet with saliva. His hands dominated every inch of my erection. I wanted to return the favor, but it was too much effort to just brace myself above him.

   "Stop," I moaned, untangling our tongues. "Or I'll..."

   "You stop," he said, his voice was raw with a new sort of energy that made me still. I heard a power deep within him that I hadn't anticipated. "Out there, you might be a King for all I care." His words left me gasping, dark and promising. "But in here, you are _mine."_

   His fist tightened, and it took everything within me not to scream in pleasure. But he coaxed it out of me, and I came shuddering, moaning his name over and over again. I couldn't hold myself anymore and I collapsed on top of him. He could take my weight surprisingly. He even cradled me against him, his legs coming around my waist.

   "Who are you?" I gasped between breaths. "And what have you done to Kyungsoo?"

   His smile was like  a sharp knife, laced with poisonous desire. "I'm me. And now... I finally see you, Baekhyun."

    _God, save me._ I was so gone in love; I was ready to become his dog. If only, he'd let me have the honor.

   "Baekhyun?"

   "Yes, Kyungsoo?" I said, something like calm settling over me.

   "I don't want to sleep yet."

   I peeked up at him. _Who'd have known? He was funny too?_ "Who told you that I was going to let you sleep?"

   His bluster from before, his dark voice all fell through, and I saw the trace of vulnerability. He'd been trying to be good for me. To appear mature. And I had fallen for it spectacularly. But I would never mock him for that, not if he was going to make me come like that again.

   "Kyungsoo?"

   He gulped, eyes falling close. "Yes, Baekhyun?"

   "What would you have me do now, my love?"

   His eyes flew open, mouth parting in honest shock. Did he really think I would make fun of his false bravado? Oh, he had to learn so much more about me still.

   "I-" he stuttered. His hips ground up, against me, pleasure rocked us both. "I want... you..."

   I brushed my hips against his, he gulped again, breath quickening. "And how do you want me?"

   "Like t-this!" He hissed as my hips came down again, trapping his cock between us. "There... between my legs..."

   He was feeling awkward at having to tell me exactly what to do. _Could he get anymore cuter?_ "Between your legs, huh?" I mused, my voice taking on a stubborn edge. "How? Is it my head... or something else that you want between your legs?"

   He turned his red face away. Target acquired. I bit down on his neck, making him groan. Looks like I'd found his sensitive spot too.  "Tell me?" I whispered in his ear, then lapped at the lobe. "Time's wasting."

   "Your-" he gasped, trying to get me to move off of him with little success, "your head..." I smiled, and almost went through with giving him the best blowjob in the world, when he added, "and your cock... everything. I want... everything..."

    _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

   This wasn't sexy talk. Not by far. He was too red and flustered, too hesitant. Then why do such words from his mouth make me go insane, and hard? Why do they make me fall for him even more? Why did I have to wait so long to hit this jackpot?

   "Are you sure?" I growled in his ear, "because I won't stop. I'd never stop."

   His hand came up, grasped the back of my head, yanking hair so that we were inches apart, breathing each other in. His bold eyes and determined brows were hot as fuck. "If you stop, I swear Baekhyun, I'd kill you."

    _Fuck me._ Oh I wanted him to fuck me first, wearing that face. _That voice._

   "Right away, boss."

   And the picture he painted, came true. I was between his legs. My mouth working over his beautiful and thick cock. Nothing about this experience would ever be the same again. Because this wasn't a random hookup. I didn't blow any of the random ones. This was Kyungsoo, and his cock belonged in my mouth.

   I took him in, deep, until he touched the back of my throat. My breathing was quick, not because of the complex task, but because every inch of me was excited to bring him this pleasure.

   And god his taste, it was electric. I tasted every inch of his cock, unable to stop myself from showing off, playing with his balls and teasing him until he was gasping helplessly. When I was satisfied that I'd had enough fun, I started sucking in earnest. 

   "Unghhh! Baekhyun... more...." His moans egged me on, I was more than happy to oblige.

    Within moments, his hand tightened in my hair. That was all the warning I had. I swallowed him whole just as his cum hit the back of my throat. I savored each drop, sucking until he was empty.

   Mouth gaping still, Kyungsoo reached me, his hand trembled as he found me and brought me closer to his expectant lips. 

  "That was..." he sighed, content as our lips brushed together, "amazing."

   I smiled down at his sweaty face, brushing back the hair from his forehead. "I'm glad you think so. Because there's so much more."

   "Unghhhh stop..." His face went redder. "I don't even have..."

   I took his limp cock in my hand. "Oh, this. Don't even worry. I know just the thing."

   In moments I had him hard and wanting again. By all things pure, I wanted to be the one spread open. But he was fighting a battle with himself. I could see him struggling. And his order earlier was just his way of trying to overcome whatever doubts he was having. I knew some of it lied in that incident in the alley. But most of it was his own low self-esteem. Even though I had done everything to the contrary, he still believed that he wasn't deserving of being loved.

    I was going to spend my whole life trying to prove him wrong.

    "My Kyungsoo, can I make love to you?"

    He blinked, then smiled in wonder. "Yeah. You can. You must."

    I was going to cherish him until my last breath.

    So with soft kisses all over his torso, I started to prepare him. I coated my fingers in spit, and stroked his opening a little. His entire body jerked at the contact, before melting into me. I pressed in, just a fingertip, and waited until his tensed body relaxed a little. Sucking his neck, I slowly pushed my finger in. He was so tight, I had to be very careful. Until he was grinding himself down on my finger, hard. Smiling, I continued my search. At once his whole body tensed, face awash with a strange wonder.

    I twisted my finger and brushed that spot inside of him again, and Kyungsoo moaned like never before. "W-what is... how did you do that?"

   Instead of answering, I continued abusing his prostrate and when he was completely gone with pleasure, added my second, then third finger inside. He wasn't hissing in pain anymore, which was good because I couldn't hold on much longer.

    When I took out my fingers, his face twisted in protest, I soothed him with kisses as my hand reached for the drawer. Thankfully, there was enough lube. Though, I had to break away from the kiss to look for condoms. 

    His face turned towards the sound of lube bottle opening, and his lips parted in a gasp when the cool liquid splashed down his crack. Not long, I wasn't going to make it at this rate. He was too tempting like this - curious about everything.

   Hurriedly, I pulled on the condom and went down on him, capturing his lips in a kiss, as my hand guided me to his hole. Fuck, the heat of him was too much. I had just inserted the tip of my cock and I was already heaving for breath. 

    This was important, this moment. It meant a lot for Kyungsoo, in order to get over whatever fears he held. And to me, because right after this moment, I was pledging myself entirely to this man beneath me. After this, nobody else would ever have a claim to my body, my heart, my soul. Nobody, but him. My heart would never want anyone anymore.

    With a burst of passion, I slipped inside a bit more. He was tight, but his hands encouraged me silently, smoothing down my spine, grasping my hips and urging them on. It was a dance, push and pull. And finally, I was inside completely. It was done, and could never be broken again, this moment.

    "Baekhyun..." he whispered into my ear. "I love you."

    I was glad he couldn't see the tears in my eyes. I pulled out a little, and thrust back in, making him groan in undeniable pleasure. "I love you too," I told him with each thrust. 

    Our bodies adjusted quickly, fitting together perfectly. He was still the one holding my leash, because at a word from him, I started fucking him harder, deeper. There were no more inhibitions and his voice was telling me to go harder over and over again. I lost myself in him. This was more than anything I'd imagined. 

    "Baekhyun..."

    He whispered my name like it was water and he was a desert.

    "Baekhyun..."

    It was the end for me. I was done, finished for him. And it was the best moment of my life.

  _"Baekhyun..."_

    I fell on him, and told him the only thing I remembered in the blaze of pleasure.

    "I love you, Kyungsoo. I love you."

    Forever and ever.


End file.
